IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Topic: as well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #money #businesses #responsibilities
Today, it is obvious that there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been numerous businesses all around the world and the number of them is increasing tremendously. Some
people
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses should address social issues
as well as
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 money since it is their
duties
Fix the agreement mistake
duty
show examples
whereas
 others contradict
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 idea. I strongly agree with the
formar
Correct your spelling
former
 one because
it is clear that
 owning a business is a big issue. To start with, it is the responsibility of an enterprise to contribute to
society
 by creating job opportunities and stimulating economic growth. If there is a company, it does not only mean that the owner would earn but
also
 means that it would make some other
people
 earn their livings. That's why it is very important to set up a business and support both the
people
 who are
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 with and the
society
 itself.
On the other hand
, businesses can play a role in addressing social issues and supporting charitable causes. It is crucial for a company to point out some problems within the
society
 and aid
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
needy
people
. As an illustration, there is a language course, located in the Bahamas. They contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 pupils who do not have enough money to be able to pay
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 program with free language learning programs. With
this
 support, they both help the needy
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and set a good example to the others. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 a nutshell, owning a business is not only making a lot of money but
also
 having a lot of responsibilities. An enterprise can support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 socially and
also
 financially.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Continue to develop your ideas fully and provide specific examples to support your points. This detail adds depth and persuasiveness to your argument.
coherence & cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. Also, transition words or phrases can help connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic, taking a strong position and supporting it with relevant examples.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization makes your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • prioritize
  • profits
  • contribute
  • job opportunities
  • economic growth
  • environmental impact
  • corporate social responsibility
  • fair treatment
  • ethically source
  • address social issues
  • charitable causes
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • government regulations
  • incentives
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!