IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think the government should provide free hosting, while others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinions

#people #government #responsibility
Some
people
 think the
government
 should provide free hosting,
while
 others believe it is not the
government
's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinions. Some argue that the
government
 should provide services to its community without receiving money,
while
 others consider
such
 actions an unnecessary responsibility for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 the idea of the first group in terms
improving
Change preposition
of improving
show examples
people
's living conditions and the second perspective in terms of negative consequences it can bring to the
government
 will be discussed. Supporters of providing free accommodation assert that were
Add an article
the
a
show examples
government
 to give individuals houses without receiving money, everyone in society
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be satisfied with their
government
. Because of
this
, if authorities take
such
 measures, not only poverty will
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
be decreased
show examples
 and deprived
people
 have places to live like other
people
, but
also
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 agreeable society will be created.
On the other hand
, others put forward that
while
 giving social services
beneficial
Add a missing verb
is beneficial
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community satisfaction, it is not a task that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be doing at
this
 time. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, were
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 to spend all the country's budget on providing
free-housing
Correct your spelling
free housing
show examples
 or other services, it might get involved in economic depression, and not only
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
 become dissatisfied with the authority, even they may
struggle
Rephrase
also struggle
show examples
for destroying
Change preposition
to destroy
show examples
such
 community. In conclusion,
although
 accompanying the
government
 may be able to satisfy the
people
 and create a unified
government
, the imposition of
such
 responsibilities will have unavoidable effects on the
government
.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support and Examples
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. While you have provided viewpoints for both sides, more specific examples to support these points could make your argument stronger.
Clarity and Precision
Be cautious with the choice of words and sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. For example, instead of saying 'others consider such actions an unnecessary responsibility for government,' a clearer phrasing might be 'others believe that it is not the government's role to provide such services.'
Grammar and Accuracy
Revise and proofread your writing for grammatical accuracy and coherence. Minor errors and awkward phrasings can detract from the overall clarity of your argument.
Balanced Discussion
You provided a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints on the issue of government-provided housing. This approach demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion, contributes to its coherence and cohesion. This organization makes your essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: