Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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this

Linking Words

modern era,human freedom

consider

Wrong verb form

is considered

show examples

at first in each community whenever people decide to do something.There is a

controvesial

Correct your spelling

controversial

statement on whether some believe that individuals can be successful with equal opportunities

while

Linking Words

others argue that they could

be succeed

Change the verb form

succeed

show examples

with

assit

Correct your spelling

assist

of their own abilities. In

this

Linking Words

essay,

Change the capitalization

show examples

will discuss some views with reasons and draw a logical conclusion. Ostensibly, there are various reasons behind the issue like folk should have equal rights and freedoms for their achievements.

Firslty

Correct your spelling

Firstly

,it is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

responsibility of

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

to deal equally with all of

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

citizens.

For example

Linking Words

, in

case

Correct article usage

the case

show examples

apply

Change the form of the verb

applying

show examples

for jobs

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

their

Replace the word

there

show examples

is huge competition among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals but there are ideas like corruption work and people who

offers

Change the verb form

offer

show examples

money for jobs they will

selected

Change the verb form

select

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

notion will have dreadful effects on the dreams of other

commutors

Correct your spelling

commuters

who

are

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

struggling for a long time.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it should be imperative to assist needy

peope

Correct your spelling

people

because they have

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not

show examples

enough support to fulfil their targets.

kaurbhagwant95Tue Apr 09 2024

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Task Completion

Please ensure to provide a conclusion that summarises your views and findings. This will help make your essay complete and round off your argument effectively.

Language Accuracy

Be mindful of spelling and grammar throughout your text. For instance, 'controvesial' should be 'controversial', and 'firslty' should be 'firstly'. Accurate spelling is crucial for clear communication.

Language Range

Work on using a broader vocabulary to express your ideas. This can enrich your essay and make your arguments more compelling.

Supporting Examples

Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. While you mention general instances, providing detailed scenarios will strengthen your argument.

Idea Development

Consider developing your ideas further by exploring both views mentioned in the prompt more deeply before presenting your own view. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Introduction

You have introduced the topic and outlined the two contrasting views effectively, setting a clear framework for your discussion.

Topic Engagement

Your essay addresses an important societal issue, showcasing your ability to engage with complex topics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

167 words

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