IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 modern era,human freedom
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb consider. Consider changing it.

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 at first in each community whenever people decide to do something.There is a
controvesial
Correct your spelling
controversial

If you don’t want controvesial to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

statement on whether some believe that individuals can be successful with equal opportunities
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others argue that they could
be succeed
Change the verb form
succeed

It appears that the form of the verb succeed does not work with be in this sentence.

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 with
assit
Correct your spelling
assist

If you don’t want assit to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of their own abilities. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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 will discuss some views with reasons and draw a logical conclusion. Ostensibly, there are various reasons behind the issue like folk should have equal rights and freedoms for their achievements.
Firslty
Correct your spelling
Firstly

If you don’t want Firslty to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,it is
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 responsibility of
community
Add an article
the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 to deal equally with all of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 citizens.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
case
Correct article usage
the case

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of
apply
Change the form of the verb
applying

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb apply. Consider changing it.

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 for jobs
as
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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their
Replace the word
there

The word their may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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 is huge competition among
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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individuals but there are ideas like corruption work and people who
offers
Change the verb form
offer

The singular verb offers does not appear to agree with the plural subject people. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 money for jobs they will
selected
Change the verb form
select

The verb selected after the modal verb will does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 notion will have dreadful effects on the dreams of other
commutors
Correct your spelling
commuters

If you don’t want commutors to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

who
are
Wrong verb form
have been

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb are. Consider changing it.

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 struggling for a long time.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it should be imperative to assist needy
peope
Correct your spelling
people

If you don’t want peope to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

because they have
no
Correct your spelling
not

The word no doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 enough support to fulfil their targets.

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Task Completion
Please ensure to provide a conclusion that summarises your views and findings. This will help make your essay complete and round off your argument effectively.
Language Accuracy
Be mindful of spelling and grammar throughout your text. For instance, 'controvesial' should be 'controversial', and 'firslty' should be 'firstly'. Accurate spelling is crucial for clear communication.
Language Range
Work on using a broader vocabulary to express your ideas. This can enrich your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
Supporting Examples
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. While you mention general instances, providing detailed scenarios will strengthen your argument.
Idea Development
Consider developing your ideas further by exploring both views mentioned in the prompt more deeply before presenting your own view. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction
You have introduced the topic and outlined the two contrasting views effectively, setting a clear framework for your discussion.
Topic Engagement
Your essay addresses an important societal issue, showcasing your ability to engage with complex topics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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