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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
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The two bar graphs show information about the percentage of four
age
Use synonyms
groups
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 and both genders that spend their time on screen in
reality
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 and game shows.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that females spend more time watching
reality
Use synonyms
 shows,
while
Linking Words
 males consider game performances. There was
also
Linking Words
 a relatively similar difference in
age
Use synonyms
groups
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 between the two
groups
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 of shows.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the number of women who allocated their leisure time to watching
reality
Use synonyms
 shows was 70%;
this
Linking Words
 number was double that of men.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a gradual increase throughout the
age
Use synonyms
 group, starting at exactly half for teenagers and reaching around 70% for adults. In terms of game shows, there was a similar portion for both genders, around 60% for males and a little lower for females; there was
also
Linking Words
 less juxtaposed to adolescence, which reached 10% higher. Compared to
reality
Use synonyms
, the patterns of
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 fluctuated.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, reality with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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