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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.
#line #people #communication #services #world
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the chart illustrates how many people use five different communication services worldwide from 1998 to 2008.
overall
Linking Words
, there was an increase in users of all five communication services, with cellular
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 witnessing the most dramatic rise to become by far the most
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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 from 2002 onward. the number of
subscriber
Change to a plural noun
subscribers
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 to landline service started at 15
million
Use synonyms
, after which it
reach
Change the form of the verb
reached
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 a peak at 20
million
Use synonyms
 and levelling off in a final.
Similarly
Linking Words
, not until the year 2002 did people start using fixed and mobile broadband, the figures for those two services increased slightly, reaching 4
million
Use synonyms
 in
final
Add an article
the final
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 year. 5
million
Use synonyms
 people subscribed
cellular
Change preposition
to cellular
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 phone service in 1998, with a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 to roughly 18
million
Use synonyms
 in 4
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 later, and a final dramatic growth to just over 65
million
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Add an article
the period
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. The figure for internet service saw similar changes, but lesser extent, which increased from just under 5
million
Use synonyms
 to
Correct your spelling
exactly
exacly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 20
million
Use synonyms
, followed by a final levelling off
at the end
Linking Words
 period
Submitted by hiiammael on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication services
  • overall trend
  • significant increase/decrease
  • traditional vs. modern
  • technological advancements
  • regional disparities
  • adoption and usage
  • future predictions
  • sociopolitical events
  • altering usage patterns
  • detailed analysis
  • popularity
  • emphasize
  • demonstrate
  • surpass
  • overshadow
  • implications
  • innovation
  • transition
  • dominance
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