Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?
It is widely agreed that the
use
of hard drugs such
as heroin and cocaine is harmful and it should be prohibited. In
Change preposition
On
contrary
, the Correct article usage
the contrary
use
of tobacco
and alcohol
are
often less Correct subject-verb agreement
is
concerned
. I believe that the Correct word choice
common
goverment
should reinforce laws to limit the sale and Correct your spelling
government
use
of not only hard drugs,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
tobacco
and alcohol
.
Smoking of
cigarettes and drinking Change preposition
apply
alcohol
is harmful to our heath
. Medical Correct your spelling
health
researches
stated that excessive smoking and drinking will lead to liver cirrhosis, lung cancer and heart diseases. In some cases, Correct your spelling
researchers
alcohol
further
damages the nervous system and thus
, our brain. The nicotine and tar in cigarettes make them addictive and cause no benefits but only threats to our health. In addition
, not only the
smokers themselves suffer from the drawbacks of Add a missing verb
do the
this
bad habit but also
people around them would
likely to be affected by the deathly Verb problem
are
second hand
smoke.
Add a hyphen
second-hand
Besides
being harmful to our health, heavy smoking and drinking also
lead to a series of social problems. Tobacco
and alcohol
are expensive and addictive users often spend a great amount of fortune on buying them which in turn pose
a potential financial burden to their bank account. Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
Moreover
, heavy drinking increases the chances of committing crime
. One of the common Add an article
a crime
the crime
crimial
behaviour is drunk driving. It is reported that there are surging number of road accidents related to drunk driving worldwide.
Correct your spelling
criminal
To conclude
, the use
of tobacco
and alcohol
not only brings harm to people's health but also
creating
numerous social problems in general. It is of paramount importance that the government reinforce laws to limit the Wrong verb form
creates
use
of all drugs.Submitted by leungkafukathy on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt, presenting a reasoned argument for why laws should be reinforced to limit the use of tobacco and alcohol, as they are for hard drugs. To improve further, you can delve deeper into the implications of your argument, considering counterarguments and suggesting specific legal reforms.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main points, and a concise conclusion. You might improve by adding more cohesive devices to link your ideas more seamlessly.
Structure
The clear structure of your essay, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, aids in communicating your ideas effectively.
Supporting Details
Your use of specific examples and research findings strengthens your argument and enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.