IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

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It is widely agreed that the
use
Use synonyms
 of hard drugs
such
Linking Words
 as heroin and cocaine is harmful and it should be prohibited.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 often less
concerned
Correct word choice
common
show examples
. I believe that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should reinforce laws to limit the sale and
use
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 of not only hard drugs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
. Smoking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cigarettes and drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is harmful to our
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. Medical
researches
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researchers
show examples
 stated that excessive smoking and drinking will lead to liver cirrhosis, lung cancer and heart diseases. In some cases,
alcohol
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further
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 damages the nervous system and
thus
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, our brain. The nicotine and tar in cigarettes make them addictive and cause no benefits but only threats to our health.
In addition
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, not only
the
Add a missing verb
do the
show examples
 smokers themselves suffer from the drawbacks of
this
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 bad habit but
also
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 people around them
would
Verb problem
are
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 likely to be affected by the deathly
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
 smoke.
Besides
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 being harmful to our health, heavy smoking and drinking
also
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 lead to a series of social problems.
Tobacco
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 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 are expensive and addictive users often spend a great amount of fortune on buying them which in turn
pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
show examples
 a potential financial burden to their bank account.
Moreover
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, heavy drinking increases the chances of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. One of the common
crimial
Correct your spelling
criminal
 behaviour is drunk driving. It is reported that there are surging number of road accidents related to drunk driving worldwide.
To conclude
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, the
use
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 of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 not only brings harm to people's health but
also
Linking Words
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 numerous social problems in general. It is of paramount importance that the government reinforce laws to limit the
use
Use synonyms
 of all drugs.

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Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt, presenting a reasoned argument for why laws should be reinforced to limit the use of tobacco and alcohol, as they are for hard drugs. To improve further, you can delve deeper into the implications of your argument, considering counterarguments and suggesting specific legal reforms.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main points, and a concise conclusion. You might improve by adding more cohesive devices to link your ideas more seamlessly.
Structure
The clear structure of your essay, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, aids in communicating your ideas effectively.
Supporting Details
Your use of specific examples and research findings strengthens your argument and enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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