IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

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It is widely agreed that the
use
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 of hard drugs
such
Linking Words
 as heroin and cocaine is harmful and it should be prohibited.
However
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, the
use
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 of
tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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 is often less
concerned
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concern
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. I believe that the government should reinforce laws to limit the sale and
use
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 of not only hard drugs but
also
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tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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. Smoking cigarettes and drinking
alcohol
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 is harmful to our
health
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. Medical researchers stated that excessive smoking and drinking will lead to liver cirrhosis, lung cancer and heart diseases. In some cases,
alcohol
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further
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 damages the nervous system and
thus
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, our brain. The nicotine and tar in cigarettes make them addictive and cause no benefits but only threats to our
health
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.
In addition
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,
beside
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besides
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 smokers themselves suffer from the drawbacks of
this
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 bad habit, people around them are likely to be affected by the deathly second-hand smoke.
Besides
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 being harmful to our
health
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, heavy smoking and drinking
also
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 lead to a series of social problems.
Tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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 are expensive and addictive users often spend a great amount of fortune on buying them which in turn poses a potential financial burden to their bank account.
Moreover
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, heavy drinking increases the chances of committing a crime. One of the common criminal behaviour is drunk driving. It is reported that there are surging number of road accidents related to drunk driving worldwide.
To conclude
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, the
use
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 of
tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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 not only brings harm to people's
health
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 but
also
Linking Words
 creates numerous social problems in general. It is of paramount importance that the government reinforce laws to limit the
use
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 of all drugs.

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task achievement
To further improve your essay, consider developing a more balanced argument by acknowledging the counterarguments and explaining why the benefits of banning these substances outweigh the disadvantages. This approach can enrich your analysis and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear structure and logical organization, making your arguments easy to follow. However, you could enhance coherence and cohesion by making more explicit connections between ideas within and across paragraphs. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay effectively identifies and elaborates on the significant health and social issues caused by the consumption of tobacco and alcohol, contributing to a strong response to the task.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and providing a coherent overview of your stance on the issue, which strengthens the overall structure of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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