Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?
It is widely agreed that the
use
of hard drugs such
as heroin and cocaine is harmful and it should be prohibited. However
, the use
of tobacco
and alcohol
is often less concerned
. I believe that the government should reinforce laws to limit the sale and Replace the word
concern
use
of not only hard drugs but also
tobacco
and alcohol
.
Smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol
is harmful to our health
. Medical researchers stated that excessive smoking and drinking will lead to liver cirrhosis, lung cancer and heart diseases. In some cases, alcohol
further
damages the nervous system and thus
, our brain. The nicotine and tar in cigarettes make them addictive and cause no benefits but only threats to our health
. In addition
, beside
smokers themselves suffer from the drawbacks of Change preposition
besides
this
bad habit, people around them are likely to be affected by the deathly second-hand smoke.
Besides
being harmful to our health
, heavy smoking and drinking also
lead to a series of social problems. Tobacco
and alcohol
are expensive and addictive users often spend a great amount of fortune on buying them which in turn poses a potential financial burden to their bank account. Moreover
, heavy drinking increases the chances of committing a crime. One of the common criminal behaviour is drunk driving. It is reported that there are surging number of road accidents related to drunk driving worldwide.
To conclude
, the use
of tobacco
and alcohol
not only brings harm to people's health
but also
creates numerous social problems in general. It is of paramount importance that the government reinforce laws to limit the use
of all drugs.Submitted by leungkafukathy on
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task achievement
To further improve your essay, consider developing a more balanced argument by acknowledging the counterarguments and explaining why the benefits of banning these substances outweigh the disadvantages. This approach can enrich your analysis and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear structure and logical organization, making your arguments easy to follow. However, you could enhance coherence and cohesion by making more explicit connections between ideas within and across paragraphs. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay effectively identifies and elaborates on the significant health and social issues caused by the consumption of tobacco and alcohol, contributing to a strong response to the task.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and providing a coherent overview of your stance on the issue, which strengthens the overall structure of your essay.