Many people consider celebrities such as actors and athletes to be their role models. Do you think that people should look up to celebrities as role models? What other types of people are worthy of admiration?

There are so many influential people around us whom we consider our role models who inspire and motivate us . In the midst of change, people like to choose celebrities like actors ,
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
, singers and many more. the assertion seems pretty controversial across the globe. Society has been divided into two groups as per distinct mindsets of different peoples . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the assertion
as well as
proffer examples to justify the notion .
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more comprehensive examples to support your viewpoint. While you've set a good foundation, adding detailed examples would enrich your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing your thoughts into distinct paragraphs, each focused on a specific aspect of the topic. This will make your essay more coherent to the reader.
Task Achievement
Your introduction briefly touches upon the topic, but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining the main ideas you plan to explore.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help create a more connected and cohesive essay.
Topic Engagement
You've introduced a relevant and interesting topic that engages the reader.
Language Use
The language used is appropriate and sets a good tone for discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influential
  • humanitarian
  • advocacy
  • platform
  • social change
  • distorted perception
  • unrealistic expectations
  • idealized
  • superficial
  • everyday heroes
  • tangible
  • intellectuals
  • innovators
  • ethical achievements
  • mentors
  • personal growth
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