IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that coming and going with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 so that they can have leisure
time
Use synonyms
 together makes a good friendship
on the other hand
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 think their
privacy
Use synonyms
 should be considered. Here I will discuss whether is it a good thing to spend leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with a colleague.
However
Linking Words
, we need to have some
friends
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that sometimes we require attention from our
friends
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,psychology scientists have informed on television that most
people
Use synonyms
 have some necessities in terms of financial and other problems which should be addressed just by their
friends
Use synonyms
. Individuals usually say their mystery to their
friends
Use synonyms
 and they can get a good resolve.
people
Use synonyms
 usually believe that if they had consulted with their
friends
Use synonyms
 about their problem, they would have a better situation now
.
Correct your spelling
This
this
Linking Words
 idea is common among
people
Use synonyms
 in our country At the same
time
Use synonyms
colleagues
Use synonyms
 may be a suitable option as a friend.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 Some individuals believe that having a deep friendship can
a disturbance
Replace the word
disturb
show examples
their
privacy
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
For
for instance
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 do not like their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 coming into their homes
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
such
Linking Words
 individuals usually prefer preserving their family's
privacy
Use synonyms
. They like to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their friend just in their office or
work
Change preposition
at work
show examples
. These
people
Use synonyms
 argue that if they spend their
time
Use synonyms
 with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 more and more, they will find many issues in the future.
This
Linking Words
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 have experienced , they say if we had not had deep friendships with our
colleagues
Use synonyms
 we would not have found a lot of issues. In conclusion, I can say we should have relations with our
colleagues
Use synonyms
 but not very deeply
due to
Linking Words
 maintaining our
privacy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

expansion
Try to expand your discussion with more varied examples to support your points thoroughly.
connection
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance flow.
clarification
Clarifying your stance more distinctly in the introduction and conclusion can strengthen your argument.
balance
You've effectively laid out both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame your discussion.
relevance
You maintain a clear focus on the question throughout the essay, addressing the topic consistently.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmonious environment
  • effective collaboration
  • socializing
  • fostering
  • outlet for stress
  • blurring boundaries
  • privacy concerns
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • multinational companies
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • teamwork
What to do next:
Look at other essays: