Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?

Some
people
believe that coming and going with their
colleagues
so that they can have leisure
time
together makes a good friendship
on the other hand
other
people
think their
privacy
should be considered. Here I will discuss whether is it a good thing to spend leisure
time
with a colleague.
However
, we need to have some
friends
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
our life
due to
the fact that sometimes we require attention from our
friends
.
For example
,psychology scientists have informed on television that most
people
have some necessities in terms of financial and other problems which should be addressed just by their
friends
. Individuals usually say their mystery to their
friends
and they can get a good resolve.
people
usually believe that if they had consulted with their
friends
about their problem, they would have a better situation now
.
Correct your spelling
This
this
idea is common among
people
in our country At the same
time
colleagues
may be a suitable option as a friend.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
Some individuals believe that having a deep friendship can
a disturbance
Replace the word
disturb
show examples
their
privacy
.
Correct your spelling
For
for instance
, most
people
do not like their
colleagues
coming into their homes
due to
the fact that
such
individuals usually prefer preserving their family's
privacy
. They like to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their friend just in their office or
work
Change preposition
at work
show examples
. These
people
argue that if they spend their
time
with their
colleagues
more and more, they will find many issues in the future.
This
group of
people
have experienced , they say if we had not had deep friendships with our
colleagues
we would not have found a lot of issues. In conclusion, I can say we should have relations with our
colleagues
but not very deeply
due to
maintaining our
privacy
.
Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

expansion
Try to expand your discussion with more varied examples to support your points thoroughly.
connection
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance flow.
clarification
Clarifying your stance more distinctly in the introduction and conclusion can strengthen your argument.
balance
You've effectively laid out both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame your discussion.
relevance
You maintain a clear focus on the question throughout the essay, addressing the topic consistently.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmonious environment
  • effective collaboration
  • socializing
  • fostering
  • outlet for stress
  • blurring boundaries
  • privacy concerns
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • multinational companies
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • teamwork
What to do next:
Look at other essays: