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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram illustrates the process of production sugar in a specific plant (sugar cane).

The diagram illustrates the process of production sugar in a specific plant (sugar cane).
The following illustration depicts the manufacturing process of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 7 steps of manufacturing
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 it starts with growing those
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 and ends with drying and cooling the ready
sugar
Use synonyms
. The
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 are harvested after at least a year. The maximum amount of time that the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 are growing is a year and a half
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 after the
canes
Use synonyms
 are harvested. There are 2 ways of harvesting the first one is with the help of machines,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 second one is manual. Afterwards, the harvested
canes
Use synonyms
 are crushed and their
juice
Use synonyms
 is collected in a tray.
Then
Linking Words
 that
juice
Use synonyms
 is purified through a limestone filter. After purifying the
juice
Use synonyms
 will be heated on gas and a part of that
juice
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 will be evaporated,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 the other part will stay in a container and it will turn into syrup.
Then
Linking Words
 that syrup is put in a centrifuge, and by turning them the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals will be separated from
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
show examples
. And
finally
Linking Words
, at the
last
Linking Words
 step
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 will be collected in a huge cylindrical container in order to dry and cool.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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