IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that high
salary
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 is more important than job satisfaction. In my opinion, occupational gratification more
meaning thing
Correct word choice
meaningful
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,
Change preposition
in
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other words,
salary
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 is not
Correct article usage
the whole
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 thing. Most of
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people
Add an article
the people
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 who attended the
survay
Correct your spelling
survey
 which tends to clarify what factor
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 most crucial for employers to choose their
work
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 sectors answered and
prefered
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preferred
 the atmosphere of
work
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 and
work
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 schedule to
salary
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. Working is not just about making money it is said that the second home of the employer. Every person wants to be part of the team, gets respect and
listen
Correct subject-verb agreement
listens
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some
Change preposition
to some
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complimant
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complaints
 from
it's
Replace the word
its
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 boss and the
collegues
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colleagues
. These things
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 directly
work
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efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
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 and
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how long he and she
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 current
work
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. Being
honered
Correct your spelling
honoured
 in their
work
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 fields or the praise from partners become happy, full of encouragement them. Another important thing in
work
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 is flexible working
ours
Correct your spelling
hours
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. If we
work
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 overtime for only
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salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
, our balance of life will lost and we encounter many problems
such
Linking Words
 as health and relationship issues. The majority of
people
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 tend to
work
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 less time and spend more time
their
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on their
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 family, hobbies
as well as
Linking Words
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
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.
However
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 we can earn lots of money
as
Change preposition
by
show examples
 working
Correct article usage
the nigth
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nigth
Correct your spelling
night
 shift, we
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 our health. Doctors believe that night sleep can not be compensated so
nigth
Correct your spelling
night
 shift workers are
get
Change the form of the verb
getting
show examples
 paid more
salary
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.
Unfortunatly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
 they pay back their
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
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instead
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 of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Some
people
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beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 is more important than
work
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. There are many crucial things
such
Linking Words
 as
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 relationship with their chief and
work
Use synonyms
parthers
Correct your spelling
partners
 and working hours so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 hardly believe that the
salary
Use synonyms
 is not more than occupation gratification.
Submitted by horloojargal0628 on

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Structure
Try to outline your main ideas clearly in the introduction, making your stance on the topic evident from the beginning.
Grammar
To improve clarity, pay close attention to sentence structure and grammar. Simplify complex sentences if necessary and consider using tools or resources to check grammar.
Content
Support your arguments with specific examples or evidence to enhance the strength of your claims. Even personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios can significantly add to your argument's persuasiveness.
Structure
Work on paragraph structuring by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea. This approach helps in making your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and typing errors, as they can distract from your message. Regular proofreading can help reduce these errors.
Content
You've done a wonderful job expressing your personal viewpoint, emphasizing the importance of job satisfaction over high salary.
Content
Your essay discusses relevant aspects like work atmosphere, work-life balance, and health, which are important considerations in job satisfaction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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