IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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The given charts illustrate the
percentages
Use synonyms
employees
Change preposition
of employees
show examples
 in the age group
fromm
Correct your spelling
from
 60-64,
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, male
workers
Use synonyms
 in the age group of 60 and over had
a much higher
Correct the article-noun agreement
a much higher percentage
much higher percentages
show examples
percentages
Use synonyms
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, with the most significant, being
Japan
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 in 1970, having the highest
percents
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
workers
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.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 women had a much lesser percentage of
workers
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, with Belgium having the lowest. In 1970, saw the highest
percentages
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 of male employees across all four countries, with
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
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 percentage dominating the others at 84%,
while
Linking Words
 Australia,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 at 74, 73 and 79, respectively.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 in 2000, they
experiences
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a great
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 in employees across the chart, with Belgium only having 19% in 2000.
While
Linking Words
 the other three countries only saw declinement from 76% for
Japan
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 and 47% for Australia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, female
workers
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 in both years saw relatively minor changes in number.
Japan
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also
Linking Words
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest counts for both years, with America seconding, only dropping slightly in 2000. Australia had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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relatively
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relative
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percentages
Use synonyms
 in both 1970 and 2000 but it never saw
percentages
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 as low as Belgium only having 8% and 7% in
bot
Correct your spelling
both
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 years respectively.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, workers, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 7 times.
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