IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is an individual responsibility to take care of an environment but others think it is the government's job to do so. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion

#people #responsibility #care #environment #government #job
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Nowadays, the debate over
whetever
Correct your spelling
whether
 people must be concerned about
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 or government should undertake the responsibility for taking care of
surroundings
Correct article usage
the surroundings
show examples
 has become the center of
question
Add an article
the question
show examples
.
This
 essay will shed light on both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and reveal my personal perspective. Advocates of
this
 idea claim that all of the inhabitants must equally preserve our framework.
Initially
, neglecting our society can lead to undesirable consequences. if inhabitants take for granted to toss
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
litter to the appropriate landfills,
this
 phenomenon can induce environmental degradation.
Secondly
,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is regarded
Change preposition
as a
show examples
a
Change preposition
as a
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source of residing
Correct your spelling
pleasant
pleasent
Correct your spelling
pleasant
 life for individuals.
As a result
 of residents' inappropriate behaviours, they can straightforwardly deprive of fresh air,
splendid
Correct word choice
and splendid
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 buildings by impairing
delicate
Correct article usage
the delicate
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environment
 which impedes to enjoy totally from these desirable things. That's why amplifying rules pertaining to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature can preclude
this
 accident. In spite of numerous thoughts,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
, like many others, believe that engaging
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 protecting
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
environment
 can not become the duty of residents rather than
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Initially
, in today's fast-paced society, people suffering from little time are not able to allocate
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 time for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. They give the preference to donate financial assistance to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-profit organizations
which
Change preposition
for which
show examples
 environmental care is their primary purpose.
Secondly
,
goverments permanantly
Correct your spelling
governments permanently
 can generate a
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of factories
to
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in
show examples
 the green spaces which
inevitable
Change the word
inevitably
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 damage nearby places.
Consequently
,
due to
 the fact that they play an undeniable role
to damage
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in damaging
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 our delicate ecosystem , they should compensate
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
 by making
splendid
Correct article usage
a splendid
show examples
environment
. Taking everything into consideration ,
while
 some argue that sustaining the
environment
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
irrefuteable
Correct your spelling
irrefutable
 duty for all of us ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must tackle all the problems relating to the
environment
Submitted by bhoswriting on

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task achievement
Try to ensure there is a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your opinion more directly, helping the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Currently, some sentences are a bit long and could be made clearer by using a mix of complex and simple sentences.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios could significantly strengthen your points.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for task response.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear distinction between paragraphs dedicated to different viewpoints.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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