IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations.

#university #students #families #home #universities #places #situations
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Nowadays, a lot of young people want to live alone and be more independent, but at the same time huge amount of students are in need of
parents
 near them. Both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of
this
 situation have advantages and disadvantages,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 my essay I will discuss
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. On the
one
 hand, there are several benefits to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 with
parents
.
One
 is that you can save cash and you are free from paying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rent, and other common resources
such
 as water bills, gas, electricity, etc.
Furthermore
,
one
 can concentrate on their studies and get motivated and supported
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 family at any time.
Secondly
, they can easily do studies without disturbing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the housework
such
 as laundry, washing dishes and so on. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 hand, when
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates
show examples
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to leave
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
 and
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
, they become more separated and irrespective. So,
parents
 do not have influence and control
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
Correct article usage
the action
show examples
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 and
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 of their children.
However
, students need to find
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and start earning money to pay for the bills.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
one
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 easily distracted because they are under pressure to pay the expense of living far away and groceries. But
along with
such
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, pupils need to find
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between working life and study schedule. They can learn other useful skills as well and try to become independent so that they can start part-time jobs and enhance their practical skills.
For example
, most students migrate to foreign countries to achieve their goals they can go through a lot of harsh times and some leave their studies in between and start doing various jobs and sending money back home. They lost their passion for doing something and started to focus on collecting money. To
summary
Replace the word
summarise
show examples
, both sides have their own good and bad points and it varies from person to person how they tackle the problem and make themselves much
focused
Correct quantifier usage
more focused
show examples
 towards their targets.
Submitted by yuliakozhevnik13 on

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Examples
To enhance your essay, you could provide clearer and more specific examples to support your points. This would make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.
Sentence Structure
Consider adding a variety of sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. This will make your writing smoother and more engaging.
Accuracy
Be mindful of small inaccuracies and typographical errors. Proofreading your essay can help eliminate these minor mistakes and polish your final submission.
Understanding
Your essay effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of living at home and away for students, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Structure
You've demonstrated a good effort in structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps readers follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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