IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

in many places peoples lifestyle changing rapidly and this affect family relationship.do the advantages overweigh disadvantages

#places #peoples #lifestyle #affect #relationship #overweigh
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In certain places ,
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 relationship dynamics with their family
members
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed with the changes in
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 .
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are striving for
content
Correct article usage
a content
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 , I believe that drawbacks outweigh advantages ,
Correct word choice
and realtionship
show examples
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 become weaker. Changing
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 means adapting
new
Change preposition
to new
show examples
 things and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier.
For example
Linking Words
 , nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 communicate with each other on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video calls rather than commuting miles to spend quality time .
Additionally
Linking Words
 , young ones after high school
moves
Correct subject-verb agreement
move
show examples
 to another region
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study to become
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 person in their
life
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in competition in each field.
However
Linking Words
, adapting
new
Change preposition
to new
show examples
 things
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 things easy but
weak
Replace the word
weakens
show examples
 the family
Use synonyms
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
 bond with each other . The negative consequences
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the changes in one's
life
Use synonyms
 inevitably
effect
Replace the word
affect
show examples
 the bond with their family
members
Use synonyms
 .
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
 take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of technology which makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 easier
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time on social media rather than talking to their family
members
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes the relationship weak and individualism
foreground
Correct subject-verb agreement
foregrounds
show examples
 than
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 care of each other . If
people
Use synonyms
 keep thinking about themselves
then
Linking Words
might be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they achieve everything but they
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 behind one precious thing which is family. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 relationships
getting
Verb problem
are
show examples
 affected
due to
Linking Words
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in their
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 gives human
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
 comfort and satisfaction ,
people
Use synonyms
 might not
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 the support and trust of their family
members
Use synonyms
 if individualism stay continues.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay identifies the topic and attempts to discuss the effects of lifestyle changes on family relationships, but it lacks depth in its argumentation. It's crucial to delve deeper into both sides of the argument, including specific advantages along with the disadvantages you've outlined, to provide a more balanced view.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more logically. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. The connection between paragraphs could be strengthened by using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences.
Task Achievement
You've included a clear thesis statement expressing that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You use examples to support your points, like the influence of technology on family dynamics, which helps to illustrate your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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