in many places peoples lifestyle changing rapidly and this affect family relationship.do the advantages overweigh disadvantages
In certain places ,
people
relationship dynamics with their family Change noun form
people's
members
has
changed with the changes in Correct subject-verb agreement
have
lifestyle
. Although
people
are striving for content
Correct article usage
a content
life
, I believe that drawbacks outweigh advantages , Correct word choice
and realtionship
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
bond
become weaker.
Changing Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
lifestyle
means adapting new
things and Change preposition
to new
make
their Wrong verb form
making
life
more
easier. Change the word
apply
For example
, nowadays people
communicate with each other on the
video calls rather than commuting miles to spend quality time . Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, young ones after high school moves
to another region Correct subject-verb agreement
move
for
study to become Change preposition
to
successfull
person in their Correct your spelling
successful
life
due to
increase
in competition in each field. Correct article usage
the increase
However
, adapting new
things Change preposition
to new
make
things easy but Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
weak
the family Replace the word
weakens
members
bond with each other .
The negative consequences Change noun form
members'
member's
with
the changes in one's Change preposition
of
life
inevitably effect
the bond with their family Replace the word
affect
members
. Lets
take Replace the word
Let's
Let us
an
example of technology which makes Correct article usage
the
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
easier of
human Change preposition
for
being
but Fix the agreement mistake
beings
also
people
spends
most of Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
the
time on social media rather than talking to their family Change the word
their
members
.This
makes the relationship weak and individualism foreground
than Correct subject-verb agreement
foregrounds
take
care of each other . If Wrong verb form
taking
people
keep thinking about themselves then
might be
they achieve everything but they Verb problem
apply
left
behind one precious thing which is family.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
leave
people
relationships Change noun form
people's
getting
affected Verb problem
are
due to
change
in their Fix the agreement mistake
changes
lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
Although
this
lifestyle
gives human being
comfort and satisfaction ,Replace the word
beings
people
might not be get
the support and trust of their family Change the verb form
get
members
if individualism stay continues.Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay identifies the topic and attempts to discuss the effects of lifestyle changes on family relationships, but it lacks depth in its argumentation. It's crucial to delve deeper into both sides of the argument, including specific advantages along with the disadvantages you've outlined, to provide a more balanced view.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more logically. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. The connection between paragraphs could be strengthened by using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences.
Task Achievement
You've included a clear thesis statement expressing that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You use examples to support your points, like the influence of technology on family dynamics, which helps to illustrate your argument.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...