IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are spending more hours at their workplace. Why is that? Is that a negative and positive development?

#countries #people #hours #workplace #development
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In numerous nations, it is true that
overtime
Use synonyms
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 is becoming increasingly prevalent.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first outline the underlying reasons for
this
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tren
Correct your spelling
trend
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 before showing that
this
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 is
overall
Linking Words
 a negative trend. The first reason why many employees
work
Use synonyms
overtime
Use synonyms
 is the financial benefits, as many people want to earn more money to accommodate the basic demands of
life
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such
Linking Words
 as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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, housing, and healthcare, improving their quality of
life
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, investing
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 in
work
Use synonyms
 can help individuals get opportunities to advance their
career
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careers
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
labors
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 working a lot can complete their
work
Use synonyms
 quickly and effectively, making them get the opportunities to advance their
career
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careers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly the in the fact that a lot of people who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working and
work
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 hard often are
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
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 for important roles in their company and have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher salary, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high quality of
life
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. Those arguing
overtime
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working
Replace the word
work
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 is a positive trend often exaggerate the financial compensation, as
this
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 factor leads to a comfortable and fulfilling
life
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.
However
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,
this
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 viewpoint fails to consider the exhaustion of employees who trade off their health for
work
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, as prolonged exposure to excessive
work
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 demands can lead to various health
issue
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issues
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,
such
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 as
hearth
Correct your spelling
heart
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 disease or obesity. In the
worst case
Add a hyphen
worst-case
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 scenario, people earn money just for treating their diseases, resulting in a meaningless
life
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. What is more, spending excessive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of time on
work
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 can create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
isolation from family and friends, as they
can
Verb problem
do
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 not have enough time to take care of their family and stay in touch with their social circle, leading to strained relationships and a sense of loneliness. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are several reasons why
overtime
Use synonyms
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 is more and more common
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the labor
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market including the financial compensation and the opportunities to advance the career, I purposefully advocate that
this
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 is a negative trend because of the exhaustion and isolation of individuals.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use a variety of transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Expand on your supporting examples by providing more detailed scenarios or data. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
In your introduction and conclusion, make your stance or viewpoint clearer to solidify the overall argument of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have done well to outline the main reasons for overtime working and its negative implications, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structurally includes both an introduction and a conclusion, effectively framing your discussion and providing a summary of your viewpoint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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