In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations

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this

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modernization

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modern

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day, with the advancement of technology, personal

data

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is stored on computers or clouds. Some argue that

this

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information can be leaked illegally by companies and

organization

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organizations

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while

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some think that it can make life easier and the world safe. From my point of view, I think

this

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development

bring

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brings

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more benefits than its disadvantages.

Internet

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The Internet

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has been a great invention since it first appeared in the late 20th century. It is widely popular that people store their information on the clouds.

However

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, one drawback could be that

this

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data

Use synonyms

is hacked which leads to the loss of money kept in online banking accounts.

For example

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, my credit card was hacked

few

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a few

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months ago and I lost 10 million VND.

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the end, fortunately, I could take my money back after

report

Wrong verb form

reporting

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to the bank.

On the other hand

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, one reason why keeping personal

data

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on the

clouds

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cloud

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or computers is advantageous is that it is easier for people, especially for those who are forgetful, to sign in to many different sites without remembering accounts and

password

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passwords

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. It is very secure as it needs people’s

face

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faces

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fingerprint

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fingerprints

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to authenticate.

Hence

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, it creates a

seemless

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seamless

experience and

reduce

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reduces

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time.

Moreover

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, another benefit could be using online payment methods

such

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as e-wallets and Apple Pay to purchase goods without physical cards. It could reduce crime rates in big cities.

Furthermore

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, information

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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stores

Wrong verb form

stored

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in authority computers can help close criminal cases.

For example

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, an image of a thief extracted from a CCTV can help the police know who the crime is. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of storing personal

data

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are

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more than its disadvantages. It can make

Correct article usage

the

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world a better place.

TUTOOSat Apr 13 2024

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Grammar

Try to provide more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.

Detail

Work on developing your examples further to better illustrate your points. More detailed examples can help strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.

Structure

You have a clear structure in your essay, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure makes your arguments easy to follow.

Coherence

You effectively use transitions to connect ideas between paragraphs, which helps in maintaining the flow of your essay.

Task Response

Your essay addresses the task directly and provides a balanced view with supporting arguments for both sides of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

technological era
personal information
service optimisation
tailored advertising
personalized services
data breaches
misuse of information
ethical implications
explicit consent
encryption
data protection
General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)
security measures
legal framework
consumer awareness
data literacy
decentralization
blockchain technology
convenience
privacy
digital age

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In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations

Your opinion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?