The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world
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Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
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substantially more amount of
water
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is consumed for Residential purposes in the 2 United States provinces than the world average.
In contrast
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, Unlike the United States of America, most of the
water
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is used in Archiculture around the world. Regarding
water
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usage for
Agriculutural
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agricultural
matters,
near two third
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nearly two-thirds
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of the
water
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sources are spent in
this
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field,
while
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this
Linking Words
figure stands as only 17%
qnd
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and
28% in San Diego and California respectively. In terms of Residential and Industry categories, San Diego and California consume 60% of their
water
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in the former section,
while
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for
the
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apply
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Worldwide
this
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rate is only 8%. San Diego is the same as
world
Correct article usage
the world
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average in terms of
water
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used Industry( 23
percent
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per cent
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) and California's rate is 10
percent
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per cent
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higher than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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