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Writing Samples
Band 3

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world
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Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantially more amount of
water
Use synonyms
 is consumed for Residential purposes in the 2 United States provinces than the world average.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Unlike the United States of America, most of the
water
Use synonyms
 is used in Archiculture around the world. Regarding
water
Use synonyms
 usage for
Agriculutural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 matters,
near two third
Correct your spelling
nearly two-thirds
show examples
 of the
water
Use synonyms
 sources are spent in
this
Linking Words
 field,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure stands as only 17%
qnd
Correct your spelling
and
 28% in San Diego and California respectively. In terms of Residential and Industry categories, San Diego and California consume 60% of their
water
Use synonyms
 in the former section,
while
Linking Words
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Worldwide
this
Linking Words
 rate is only 8%. San Diego is the same as
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 average in terms of
water
Use synonyms
 used Industry( 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
) and California's rate is 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 higher than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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