Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opine.

#people #parents #role #child #development #television #friends #siginificant #influence #opine

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Some individuals think

parents

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have a crucial role in

children

Use synonyms

's development.

However

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, other people believe that things like

television

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or pals have the most significant role.

While

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some

parents

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believe that

television

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and

friends

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have a huge

influence

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

's development, I strongly believe that

parents

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have a crucial

influence

Use synonyms

kids

Use synonyms

' evolution. On the one hand, some

parents

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think that

friends

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and

television

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set

Fix the agreement mistake

sets

show examples

influence

Use synonyms

their

children

Use synonyms

because they spend a lot of time together.

Firstly

Linking Words

, if

chidren

Correct your spelling

children

do not follow the crew, they might be rejected, so they tend to imitate their pals.

This

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mental pressure

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

them to look alike and behave the same

way

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, procreators believe that each generation

behave

Change the verb form

behaves

show examples

specific

Change the article

a specific

show examples

way

Use synonyms

, so they tend to have similar academic goals, and they

influence

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each other along the

way

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For instance

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, In The United States, the vast majority of high-school students follow intragrams trends, and those who do not follow

this

Linking Words

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

might suffer from being bullied.

This

Linking Words

way

Use synonyms

we can see how

friends

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might have some pressure on

kids

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However

Linking Words

, I believe

this

Linking Words

way

Use synonyms

of thought

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is totally wrong because

children

Use synonyms

are leading

children

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the vast majority of

parents

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strongly believe that they have a significant

infuence

Correct your spelling

influence

on their

children

Use synonyms

because they have raised and

teach

Wrong verb form

taught

show examples

them values.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

kids

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learn from

parents

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since they are toddlers, so they are role models in

children

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's lives. More importantly, at

home

Add a comma

home,

show examples

children

Use synonyms

learn values that they must follow to honor their family. These are

such

Linking Words

as respecting adults and teachers, behaving in public spaces and things like that. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, if they do not follow these

morals

Change the noun form

moral

show examples

values, they might be rejected at home, so

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

moral codes

definetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

influence

Use synonyms

them on their development. To illustrate,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

research at Fullerton College states that humans tend to imitate their surroundings and people

Change preposition

with who

show examples

who

Change the pronoun

whom

show examples

they

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

the most time during their lives,

this

Linking Words

is why it is important who is around

children

Use synonyms

. I strongly believe that

parents

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are the first people who

influence

Use synonyms

their

children

Use synonyms

To conclude

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although

Linking Words

some

parents

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believe that

friends

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and

television

Use synonyms

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the main

influence

Use synonyms

on their

kids

Use synonyms

because they get along

Change preposition

with

show examples

each other, I strongly believe that tutors and guardians are the main influences

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

Use synonyms

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

children

Use synonyms

learn from

first hand

Add a hyphen

first-hand

show examples

experience.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Sun Apr 14 2024

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General

Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and showcase a wider range of language skills.

General

Make sure to carefully proofread your essay to correct minor spelling or grammar mistakes that may distract from your overall message.

Task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.

Coherence and cohesion

Work on enhancing the connection between your ideas and paragraphs for a smoother flow of information.

Task achievement

You've done a good job of discussing both views on the topic before providing your own opinion, which aligns well with the task requirements.

Coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively bookend your discussion, helping to solidify your argument.

Coherence and cohesion

You have supported your main points with explanations and an example, which strengths your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

389 words

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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opine.

Your opinion

Educating young peaple is naturally important, However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is beneficial for both employers and employees if employees are given longer holidays away from work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The use of social media such as Facebook or Twitter is replacing face-to-face contact this century. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?