Nowadays, we are living in the earth where is technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of time in the range of internet games and watching various TV programs. From my point of view, that it has a detrimental effect on their health as well as upbringing.

#earth #technology #changes #lifestyle #people #time #range #internet #games #tv #programs #point #effect #health #upbringing

Nowadays, we are living

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the

Correct article usage

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earth where

Unnecessary verb

apply

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technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of

time

Correct pronoun usage

their time

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in the range of internet

games

and watching various TV programs. From my point of view,

that

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apply

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it has a detrimental effect on their health

as well as

upbringing. At the present

time

, many

children

learned

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learn

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various subjects that explore even more other things in the future. They study a lot and need free

time

to relax and unwind to stay healthy.

Therefore

, they want to play

games

like the other

children

and watch TV shows in their free

time

and it

help

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helps

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them to get the

many

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apply

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informations

Correct your spelling

information

the most easily.

In addition

, one of the new

technology

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technologies

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mobile

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a mobile

the mobile

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phone, nowadays it is very popular among

children

and it is

cosily

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convenient for

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them to bring it everywhere. Many

children

prefer to use it rather than book it

is have

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has

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any kind of features which

is help

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helps

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them to get many

informations

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pieces of information

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easily. Because,

bring

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bringing

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books

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apply

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is not comfortable, but

telephone

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the telephone

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is very easy to bring anywhere and they can search

all

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for all

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kind

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kinds

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of information via

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the internet

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internet

Capitalize word

Internet

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However

, despite the beneficial aspects, there are

also

drawbacks. Some

children

spend

the

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apply

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most of their

time

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the

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apply

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gadgets like

phone

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phones

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laptop

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laptops

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and

television

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televisions

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. They are very harmful to their health. All of them have

noxious

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the noxious

show examples

effects of strong screen light and it can affect bad to their eyes. When they watch more TV or laptop, their eyes get tired from the bright light of the screen.

Furthermore

, young individuals can watch bad videos that are hazardous to their upbringing and education, because these videos will have bad effects and

children

will not be able to stop watching

such

videos.

As a result

, they will become uninterested in learning and will not concentrate on their studies.

For instance

, numerous young individuals became

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apply

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slave

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slaves

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to bad

games

and it was difficult for them to get tired of

such

games

because

such

games

deceived

children

and began to control them. the managers of the game gave various bad tasks for the

children

to do and

subsequently

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subsequently,

show examples

this

did not lead to a good ending. In conclusion,

although

it brings many changes that have both positive and negative impacts on the life of kids I think the weightage of drawbacks is more than the pros.

Submitted by ieltsielts81 on Sun Apr 14 2024

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structure

Structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs including an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and make your argument easier to follow.

language

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content

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accuracy

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task response

You effectively addressed the topic and provided relevant arguments to support your view. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

coherence

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content

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Your opinion

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

400 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Your opinion

Some people claim that public transport should be free of charge, while others disagree. Do the advantages of free public transport outweigh the disadvantages?

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern techonologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?

The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for learners in most schools. Do you think it is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their day interaction with technology everywhere? Discuss both and give your opinion.