Nowadays, we are living in the earth where is technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of time in the range of internet games and watching various TV programs. From my point of view, that it has a detrimental effect on their health as well as upbringing.

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Nowadays, we are living

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the

Correct article usage

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earth where

Unnecessary verb

apply

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technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of

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time

Correct pronoun usage

their time

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in the range of internet

games

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and watching various TV programs. From my point of view,

that

Correct word choice

apply

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it has a detrimental effect on their health

as well as

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upbringing. At the present

time

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, many

children

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learned

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learn

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various subjects that explore even more other things in the future. They study a lot and need free

time

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to relax and unwind to stay healthy.

Therefore

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, they want to play

games

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like the other

children

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and watch TV shows in their free

time

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and it

help

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helps

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them to get the

many

Correct word choice

apply

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informations

Correct your spelling

information

the most easily.

In addition

Linking Words

, one of the new

technology

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technologies

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mobile

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a mobile

the mobile

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phone, nowadays it is very popular among

children

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and it is

cosily

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convenient for

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them to bring it everywhere. Many

children

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prefer to use it rather than book it

is have

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has

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any kind of features which

is help

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helps

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them to get many

informations

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pieces of information

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easily. Because,

bring

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bringing

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books

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apply

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is not comfortable, but

telephone

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the telephone

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is very easy to bring anywhere and they can search

all

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for all

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kind

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kinds

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of information via

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the internet

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internet

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Internet

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However

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, despite the beneficial aspects, there are

also

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drawbacks. Some

children

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spend

the

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apply

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most of their

time

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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gadgets like

phone

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phones

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laptop

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laptops

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and

television

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televisions

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. They are very harmful to their health. All of them have

noxious

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the noxious

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effects of strong screen light and it can affect bad to their eyes. When they watch more TV or laptop, their eyes get tired from the bright light of the screen.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, young individuals can watch bad videos that are hazardous to their upbringing and education, because these videos will have bad effects and

children

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will not be able to stop watching

such

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videos.

As a result

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, they will become uninterested in learning and will not concentrate on their studies.

For instance

Linking Words

, numerous young individuals became

Correct article usage

apply

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slave

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slaves

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to bad

games

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and it was difficult for them to get tired of

such

Linking Words

games

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because

such

Linking Words

games

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deceived

children

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and began to control them. the managers of the game gave various bad tasks for the

children

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to do and

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subsequently

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subsequently,

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this

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did not lead to a good ending. In conclusion,

although

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it brings many changes that have both positive and negative impacts on the life of kids I think the weightage of drawbacks is more than the pros.

ieltsielts81Sun Apr 14 2024

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structure

Structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs including an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and make your argument easier to follow.

language

Consider varying your sentence structures to improve readability and interest. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging.

content

To further strengthen your argument, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your position more persuasive and comprehensive.

accuracy

Watch for grammar and spelling mistakes to ensure your essay is as clear and accurate as possible. Consistently reviewing your work can help minimize errors.

task response

You effectively addressed the topic and provided relevant arguments to support your view. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

coherence

You made a clear attempt to organize your essay and present your ideas coherently. With practice, this skill can be further refined to strengthen your writing.

content

Your use of examples to illustrate points is a strong aspect of your essay. Continuing to develop this skill will make your arguments even more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

400 words

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Your opinion

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

17.Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to have drivers tested every year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people that in a city the best way to travel by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.