IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that spending large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities is a waste of money. They think that this money should be used to improve existing public transport. To what extent do you agree / disagree ?

#people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #waste #transport
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way . In the midst of change , The transportation system has changed a lot in the past few decades. It is irrefutable that the government pays a huge sum to important transportation . In the present scenario , society has been divided into two groups as per distinct mindsets of different types of folks. A colossal number of folks claim that government authorities pay a lot of money on building new railway lines
while
on the contrary
 some communities Accord that
instead
 of trains government should fund the local transport to improve their condition . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 give proffer examples to justify my notion
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Clarity
Your essay provides a solid introduction to the topic, but you could enhance it by stating your opinion or stance clearly. This helps the reader understand your position from the beginning.
Use of Examples
Make sure to include specific examples to support your arguments. Examples are critical for strengthening your essay and providing concrete evidence for your claims.
Conclusion Presence
Try to add a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. A conclusion helps to give your essay a rounded finish and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your perspective.
Coherence
Work on smoothly transitioning between ideas and paragraphs to keep the reader engaged and to enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Introduction
You've outlined the topic well and presented conflicting views, which sets a good foundation for discussion.
Language Use
Your language use is advanced and contributes positively to the clarity and sophistication of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Transportation needs
  • Infrastructure
  • High-speed rail
  • Economic impact
  • Development
  • Sustainable transport
  • Carbon footprint
  • Congestion
  • Accessibility
  • Inclusive
  • Long-term benefits
  • Short-term benefits
  • Public transport system
  • Investment
  • Urbanization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: