IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Today, many
people
 say that whole university students must study the
subject
 that they are eager
for
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to
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
in
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On
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opposite
Add an article
the opposite
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 side, some
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 want that,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should study the
subjects
 that are beneficial in the future, especially those which are connected with
science
 and technology.
This
 essay intends to analyze both perspectives
among
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apply
show examples
with my personal and logical
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
show examples
.
Firstly
, the
people
 who say that the student must go for their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
subjects
 believe, that everybody has
innate
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an innate
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 hidden talent in a certain field. These students if they pursue their fondness will become professional and successful
people
on
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in
show examples
 their
job
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jobs
show examples
. But if they choose
subject
Correct article usage
a subject
show examples
 out of their passion, they will struggle even with learning
then
 they will not obtain a persuasive result.
For instance
, if a person who has an extraordinary talent in painting and art goes for computer
science
 he will fail.
In
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On
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 the dorsal side, some believe that in today’s contemporary
era
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era,
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 most
the
Correct article usage
apply
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subjects
 are useless in our daily
life
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lives
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. They claim, that students must study the
subjects
 that are adjoined with
science
 and technology. They declare, that
subjects
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 History and Art do not have any benefit
on
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to
show examples
 today’s civilization.
For example
, imagine the
world
 for one hour without
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 and consider the
world
 without
artist
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an artist
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 for many years during not existence of
doctor
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doctors
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, the
world
 will confront a great crisis but during not existence of
artist
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artists
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world
 will not face any significant change.
Summing-up
Correct your spelling
Summing up
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, there are two different ideas,
which
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 one
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
people
 should follow their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subject
 but
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
 that they should follow modern
science
. Regarding to mentioned reasons in
this
 paper and owing
my
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to my
show examples
 personal and logical perception it is better to follow the
subject
 that you like the most.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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coherence
Consider organizing your essay with clearer separation of paragraphs and better use of linking words to enhance readability and flow.
coherence
Diversify your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or reasons. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion. Ensure that your own opinion is clearly supported by relevant arguments and examples.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance, which is commendable.
task achievement
You have engaged with the topic and provided arguments for both sides, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
What to do next:
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