IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. They also can do many things that men cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career… It is said: “A woman’s place is in the home.” What do you think?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Women
Use synonyms
's equality nowadays in the work industry and how things have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed
last
Linking Words
 century.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are giving up their own personal lives and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 at home
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the position of the woman. First
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all, we will understand what
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 gender can do, and even better than men. Currently, we are experiencing
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
outbursts of girl power and how they are ascending in
multiples
Change the noun form
multiple
show examples
 spheres
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society.
For example
Linking Words
, the revolutionary Madam Curie was one of the pioneers in chemistry and
leave
Wrong verb form
left
show examples
 an open door for the next generations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a female monarch
such
Linking Words
 as Queen Elizabeth for almost a century, when nobody in the 1900s believed that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 could have the strength or the capacity to take over a legacy and rule not only the United Kingdom but
also
Linking Words
 the Commonwealth. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean and believe, there is not any position or
careers
Fix the agreement mistake
career
show examples
 where
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 person can perform with a stunning performance as their opposite gender.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some positions where it can be difficult to execute if
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 person is involved. Scientifically, hormones can play a direct factor in the thickness of our bones, men can have the capacity to endure heavy loads of weight
also
Linking Words
 for longer periods
such
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the case
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their counterparts.
For example
Linking Words
, there is more male
workeforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 in jobs where is compromised the use of force
such
Linking Words
 as working in a mine or perhaps in an abattoir. In conclusion, from my point of view, everyone can do anything if they
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
 it.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can achieve or perform anything they want. In
this
Linking Words
 century there are more opportunities for they and
women
Use synonyms
 are not giving up
to keep
Verb problem
on
show examples
 fighting to keep and still winning space in our society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Relevance of examples
Ensure all your examples are directly related to the topic and clearly illustrate your point to make your argument stronger.
Content Balance
Be mindful of generalizations, particularly when discussing capabilities based on gender, to maintain a balanced and well-reasoned argument.
Example Diversity
Consider exploring a broader range of examples across different industries and roles to demonstrate the versatility and capabilities of women more comprehensively.
Linking & Cohesion
Work on paragraph cohesion by using more linking phrases and transitional expressions to create smoother transitions between ideas.
Grammar & Accuracy
Review and refine your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance readability. Attention to detail can greatly improve the overall quality of your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion
You provided a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Understanding of Topic
You demonstrated a good understanding of the topic by addressing both sides of the argument.
Structure
Your essay shows a clear structure, making it easier to follow your argument.
Use of Examples
Usage of specific examples like Madam Curie and Queen Elizabeth to support your points enriches your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: