Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. They also can do many things that men cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career… It is said: “A woman’s place is in the home.” What do you think?
Women
's equality nowadays in the work industry and how things have been
changed Unnecessary verb
apply
last
century. Although
,
they are giving up their own personal lives and Remove the comma
apply
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
and
some people Correct word choice
apply
believes
Change the verb form
believe
be
at home Wrong verb form
being
it
is the position of the woman.
First Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
all, we will understand what Change preposition
of
female
gender can do, and even better than men. Currently, we are experiencing Correct article usage
the female
and
outbursts of girl power and how they are ascending in Correct word choice
apply
multiples
spheres Change the noun form
multiple
in
society. Change preposition
of
For example
, the revolutionary Madam Curie was one of the pioneers in chemistry and leave
an open door for the next generations. Wrong verb form
left
Moreover
, having a female monarch such
as Queen Elizabeth for almost a century, when nobody in the 1900s believed that a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
women
could have the strength or the capacity to take over a legacy and rule not only the United Kingdom but also
the Commonwealth. By this
I mean and believe, there is not any position or careers
where Fix the agreement mistake
career
female
person can perform with a stunning performance as their opposite gender.
Add an article
a female
the female
On the other hand
, there is
some positions where it can be difficult to execute if Change the verb form
are
female
person is involved. Scientifically, hormones can play a direct factor in the thickness of our bones, men can have the capacity to endure heavy loads of weight Add an article
a female
the female
also
for longer periods such
it
is not Correct pronoun usage
this
in
the case Change preposition
apply
of
their counterparts. Change preposition
for
For example
, there is more male workeforce
in jobs where is compromised the use of force Correct your spelling
workforce
such
as working in a mine or perhaps in an abattoir.
In conclusion, from my point of view, everyone can do anything if they desired
it. Wrong verb form
desire
Therefore
, women
can achieve or perform anything they want. In this
century there are more opportunities for they and women
are not giving up to keep
fighting to keep and still winning space in our society.Verb problem
on
Submitted by ernestogall7 on
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Relevance of examples
Ensure all your examples are directly related to the topic and clearly illustrate your point to make your argument stronger.
Content Balance
Be mindful of generalizations, particularly when discussing capabilities based on gender, to maintain a balanced and well-reasoned argument.
Example Diversity
Consider exploring a broader range of examples across different industries and roles to demonstrate the versatility and capabilities of women more comprehensively.
Linking & Cohesion
Work on paragraph cohesion by using more linking phrases and transitional expressions to create smoother transitions between ideas.
Grammar & Accuracy
Review and refine your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance readability. Attention to detail can greatly improve the overall quality of your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion
You provided a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Understanding of Topic
You demonstrated a good understanding of the topic by addressing both sides of the argument.
Structure
Your essay shows a clear structure, making it easier to follow your argument.
Use of Examples
Usage of specific examples like Madam Curie and Queen Elizabeth to support your points enriches your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?