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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph illustrates the process by which bricks are generated for the architecture industry.

The graph illustrates the process by which bricks are generated for the architecture industry.
#process #bricks #architecture #industry
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The graph below illustrates the process by which
bricks
Use synonyms
 are made for the architecture industry.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 5 major steps, which can be divided into main 3 steps
such
Linking Words
 as digging
of
Change preposition
up
show examples
 the earth a
clay
Use synonyms
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
clay
Use synonyms
 will be rolled and added to sand and water,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 one is cooling and packaging that stuff.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 there are 5 specialized machines to produce
bricks
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as digger, roller, wire cutter, oven and chamber.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 main source is
clay
Use synonyms
. To commence with,
digged
Correct your spelling
dug
show examples
clay
Use synonyms
 will go through the roller.
Then
Linking Words
 it will appear as
metal
Correct article usage
a metal
show examples
 grid and
sand+water
Correct your spelling
water
 will be added.
This
Linking Words
 complex of metal goes to a cutter which makes
brick
Fix the agreement mistake
bricks
show examples
 of them. Mould should be
dryed
Correct your spelling
dried
 in
oven
Correct article usage
the oven
show examples
 approximately for 1 or 2 days.
Dryed
Correct your spelling
Dried
bricks
Use synonyms
 will be moderated in
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 machine called
cooling
Correct article usage
a cooling
show examples
 chamber for 48 or 72 hours.
Linking Words
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 step of brick manufacturing is
delivery
Correct article usage
the delivery
show examples
 of packed
bricks
Use synonyms
 to shops where
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be consumed for the architectural industry.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, such".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks, clay with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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