The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

#proportion #people

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Nowadays the percentage of elders

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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significantly increasing day by day.

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this

Correct determiner usage

apply

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circumstances like

this

peolple

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people

have to develop more facilities

such

as health

care

, aged

care

and

disabilility

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disability

transport for them. In

this

essay, I will

eleborate

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elaborate

what

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on what

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are the complications and how

those kind

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that kind

those kinds

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of things can be solved. First of all, the old people are

valuable

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a valuable

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asset to the country because they have done a massive job to build up a good society.

Because of

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For

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that reason,

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the goverment

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goverment

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government

needs to put some extra weight

to look

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on looking

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after them

while

giving

Verb problem

providing

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good

Correct pronoun usage

them good

show examples

facilities. In order to provide

better

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a better

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life for them it needs to develop health

care

facilities namely, free health

care

benifits

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benefits

and monthly pensions.

This

will be

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an expencive

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expencive

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expensive

task to

fullfill

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fulfil

and the burden will be imposed on the general public.

On the other hand

, there is a shortage

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aged

care

workers to assist the elders, as a

goverment

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government

needs to take

actions

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action

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to recruit new staff

abd

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and

train them.

Secondly

, I would like to introduce some solutions to

above mentioned

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above-mentioned

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issues and how those things can be

workedout

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worked out

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the

futue

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future

. As

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a solution

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solution

Add a comma

solution,

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we can implement

fund raising

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fundraising

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projects, call for

donation

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donations

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and

introducing

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introduce

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a tax on people.

Furthermore

, to look after them hospitals need trained staff, doctors and nurses who can assist them and

needs

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need

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to do the

recruitments

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recruitment

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as well. These days in the society, there are less number of trained people and they need to undergo proper training. In order to do

this

government

hast

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has

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to implement new training colleges. In connection,

this

essay elaborates

problems

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on problems

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and solutions a society faces when it has

and

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aging

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ageing

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population. I strongly believe that these suggestions will assist in overcoming these

trend

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trends

show examples

Submitted by lahiru_80 on Tue Apr 16 2024

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Structural Advice

Ensure your essay is well-organized by clearly dividing it into paragraphs, each representing a unique idea or aspect of your response. This structure was generally well-applied in your essay.

Language Use

To further strengthen your essay, work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and make your writing more engaging. This will also showcase your language proficiency.

Content Development

Try to back up your points with more specific examples or evidence. This will not only verify your claims but also make your arguments more convincing and in-depth.

Accuracy

Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as they can detract from the clarity of your arguments. Proofreading can greatly improve the overall quality of your writing.

Task Response

You provided a clear response to the topic, identifying problems and suggesting viable solutions effectively.

Coherence

Your essay maintains a logical flow, which is an essential aspect of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion frame your arguments well.

Topic Engagement

You've done well in engaging with the essay prompt by offering concrete solutions to the problems discussed, helping achieve a good task response score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people feel online courses are better while others feel classroom courses are good? Discuss both the views and give your opinion.Some people feel online courses are better while others feel classroom courses are good? Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarien relief during natural disasters

Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?