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Band 4

One problem faced by almost every large city is traffic congestion. What do you think are the cauces of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#city #traffic #congestion #cauces
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the
last
 few years . In the midst of change , because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development people often
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 numerous problems
such
 as traffic congestion , pollution ,water quality decreases and many more . In the current scenario , traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 increasing at an alarming rate worldwide . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the setbacks
as well as
 possible remedies to curb
this
 menace .
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets a broad context for the discussion on traffic congestion, which is good. However, the focus should be more on directly addressing the causes and solutions of traffic congestion as stated in the task question.
Task Achievement
Try to directly answer the question by first outlining the main causes of traffic congestion and then providing specific solutions. Including examples will strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. It is helpful to organize your essay into paragraphs, each with a distinct theme or point. One for introduction, at least one for causes, one for solutions, and a concluding paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'However,' can help in making the transition between ideas smoother, contributing to the cohesion of the essay.
Task Achievement
Introduction of the essay broadly sets the context for discussion on modern issues including traffic congestion.
Task Achievement
The intention to discuss both problems and solutions regarding traffic issues shows an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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