Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the era of inflation , getting a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid

It appears that well paid is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's

It appears that the word everyones should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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first preference . There are many qualifications people have to match to get a good
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like education qualification , experience ,
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements

If you don’t want achivements to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and many
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to assertion . There is a colossal number of people who believe asking for personal information like hobbies , interests ,
marital
Correct word choice
and marital

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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status
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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very beneficial to getting
suitable
Add an article
a suitable

The noun phrase suitable job seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Whether
Correct word choice
On

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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on the contrary
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some communities opine with the notion they claim it's not necessary to mention
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

applying for a
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Somewhere
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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vehemently Agree with the notion that asking
personal
Change preposition
for personal

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information

It appears that informations is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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positive
Add an article
a positive

The noun phrase positive impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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impact . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

proffer examples to justify my notion.
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Examples
Focus on giving specific examples to support your argument. Providing concrete examples can make your position stronger and more convincing.
Balanced Discussion
Ensure that you discuss both views thoroughly before stating your own opinion. While your position is clear, expanding on the opposing viewpoint can provide a more balanced discussion.
Grammar & Punctuation
Watch out for typos, minor grammar, and punctuation errors. Though these are small, paying attention to detail can enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Introduction
You've done well to introduce the topic and present your viewpoint clearly. This helps set the stage for your argument.
Structure
You've maintained a good structure in your essay, establishing a logical flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • team dynamics
  • organizational culture
  • work-life balance
  • collaborative environments
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • conscious or unconscious bias
  • privacy concerns
  • personal boundaries
  • professional abilities
  • skills, qualifications, and experience
  • legal and ethical considerations
  • divert attention
  • significant professional attributes
  • relevant to the job
What to do next:
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