IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. #employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #comma

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #comma
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In the era of inflation , getting a well-paid
job
 is everyone's first preference . There are many qualifications people have to match to get a good
job
 like education qualification , experience , achievements and many others. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to assertion . There is a colossal number of people who believe asking for personal information like hobbies , interests , and marital status is very beneficial to getting a suitable
job
while
on the contrary
 , some communities opine with the notion they claim it's not necessary to mention
while
 applying for a
job
 . Somewhere I vehemently Agree with the notion that asking for personal information has a positive impact . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer overview in your introduction, establishing both viewpoints and your own position more distinctly. This will help set expectations for the reader.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments with specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint discussed, as well as your own opinion. This not only enhances the argument but also demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve cohesion by using a variety of linking words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs, ensuring a smooth flow of information.
Task Achievement
You successfully introduced a relevant topic and expressed a clear stance.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, indicating an understanding of the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have demonstrated an ability to engage with the topic meaningfully.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • team dynamics
  • organizational culture
  • work-life balance
  • collaborative environments
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • conscious or unconscious bias
  • privacy concerns
  • personal boundaries
  • professional abilities
  • skills, qualifications, and experience
  • legal and ethical considerations
  • divert attention
  • significant professional attributes
  • relevant to the job
What to do next:
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