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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons #mins
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The bar charts illustrate information about the percentage of desktop
owners
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 to 2010(2002, 2004, 2006, 2008 and 2010). The second one expresses their 5 levels of study of
degree
Add an article
the degree
show examples
 of the
owners
Use synonyms
, including absent of
highschool
Use synonyms
 degree, graduated in the
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 level,
unsuccessed
Correct your spelling
successes
 in college, Bachelor’s degree and Postgraduate qualification, at the beginning year(2002) and the
last
Linking Words
 year(2010) of observing.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that both graphs show the increasing trends during
this
Linking Words
8 years
Correct your spelling
8-year
 period. Focusing more on the first chart, the
computer
Correct quantifier usage
number of computer
show examples
owners
Use synonyms
 increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 per
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
period, starting from 55
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 in 2002 and
end
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 up
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 75
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 in 2010. Turning to the second graph, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing trend of people who own
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 computer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the lower education levels(ungraduated from
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 and in the
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 level), the data reveals that there were twice more of the
owners
Use synonyms
 in 2010 compared to the year 2002.
However
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 increase in the higher levels of study which is around
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words owners, highschool, percents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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