IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many students find it difficult to learn subjects like mathematics and philosophy and hence they should be optional in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

#students #subjects #mathematics #philosophy #schools
Are all
subjects
 that we learn in
school
 really necessary? Is it even worth studying math if you know that you are going to fail the exam? In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 day there is an opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students should be able to choose the
subjects
 they want to study. I disagree with
this
, since I
hence
 all lessons in
school
 give you something.
Firstly
, to challenge yourself is something that you will have to all your life.
For instance
, moving to a new city, working at a new job or starting at
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
.
This
 can be hard and it may take a
while
 until you reach the point where you are
sadisfyed
Correct your spelling
satisfied
.
However
, your future is full of challenges that you will have to
concure
Correct your spelling
conquer
. By making students work hard in
subjects
 they find difficult, you
prepar
Correct your spelling
prepare
 them for
dareing
Correct your spelling
daring
dating
 with upcoming events in their life. They will develop a fighting
spirite
Correct your spelling
spirit
, since they have fought with
difficulities
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 before. They will learn
not
Add the particle
not to
show examples
 give up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
.
Secondly
, the
subjects
 in
school
 are there for a reason. Even if you find it hard to achieve good grades in some of them, all of the experience you get by studying them is valuable. It is common
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to know simple maths, even if you do not get the highest mark in the subject. Who knows, someday your lessons might be useful. Maybe you end up being a math teacher?
To conclude
, all lessons in
school
 are valuable in one or another way. Meaning that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all the
subjects
 in
school
 are a part of common knowledge. Everyone should know at least the basics of it. You may not achieve a great mark in all of them, but at least you tried. Trying and
developping
Correct your spelling
developing
 a fighting
spirite
Correct your spelling
spirit
sprite
 is a useful experience.
This
 is not only great in
school
, but
also
 for the rest of
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 life.
Submitted by clara.m.schafer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by clearly stating your position and consistently supporting it throughout. Including more detailed and varied examples can further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly and clearly. Using a variety of transition words and phrases can help guide readers through your argument more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with each paragraph building upon the next. This structure aids in the coherence of your argument.
supported main points
You've adeptly supported your main points with reasons, showing an understanding of the topic. To enhance this, consider incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!