Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects such as computer and science should be taught. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#music #schools #subjects #computer #science

Music

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

should be replaced with technical courses in the school curriculum. From my perspective, science is a crucial subject but

music

has its own reputation in a

student

's career so

music

cannot be discontinued. There are many reasons for

such

an opinion which will be examined

further

this

essay.

To begin

with,

music

helps a person to calm down and a

student

feels relaxed when he

practise

Correct subject-verb agreement

practises

show examples

music

. A lot of students complain about

pressures

Correct article usage

the pressures

show examples

they face

due to

competitive exams and

loads

Correct article usage

the loads

show examples

of homework they receive from their teachers.

However

, students who indulge in artistic subjects

along with

technical courses feel better. They do not have to suffer from

stress

Correct article usage

the stress

show examples

that comes from their studies. The reason can be exemplified

with

Change preposition

show examples

a study suggesting that playing a musical instrument or listening to

music

before any exam helps a

student

to score better and tackle the stress in a composed manner.

Moreover

music

assists an individual

to develop

Change preposition

in developing

show examples

a quality called inventiveness.

Music

helps in generating creative ideas.

For instance

, Albert Einstein, a great scientist was an amateur violinist who loved to perform it in his free time. He once claimed that

music

helped him

formulating

Wrong verb form

formulate

show examples

and

proving

Wrong verb form

prove

show examples

a myriad of his scientific laws because it impacted his

brain

Change noun form

brain's

show examples

energy to work in a certain way.

This

further

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

proven

Correct your spelling

proved

show examples

in numerous studies conducted after his death. In conclusion, there are artistic subjects that a

student

might be interested in but never

gets

Correct subject-verb agreement

get

show examples

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to pursue, it may have

serious

Add an article

a serious

show examples

impact on his inventive skills.

Also

music

acts as a stress

burster

Correct your spelling

buster

show examples

and increases

Correct article usage

the

show examples

overall

productivity of an individual.

Therefore

music

should be treated as an essential art.

Submitted by DIANA on Thu Apr 18 2024

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accuracy

Try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes to improve clarity.

coherence

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development

Clarify and develop your main points further to strengthen your argument.

complexity

Include more nuanced viewpoints to add depth to your essay.

examples

Effective use of examples to support your arguments.

position

Maintained a clear position throughout the essay.

structure

Good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects such as computer and science should be taught. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Every one of us should become a vegeterian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historic objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?