Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Every

country

Use synonyms

has their own regulation system in terms of national

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

. Some countries have adopted compulsory military

service

Use synonyms

for their young generation after graduating from school.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would be a good example for other countries to use the same system for men and women if possible. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

idea that will be explained throughout the essay. One compelling reason to stand with

this

Linking Words

view is that the

country

Use synonyms

's military

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

will be stronger

while

Linking Words

facing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unexpected conflict in the future.

After graduating

Change preposition

Graduating

show examples

from school,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is a good way

for teaching

Change preposition

to teach

show examples

the younger generation to become more nationalist by leading them to contribute to protecting their

country

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, the military

service

Use synonyms

of South Korea already produces many strong and nationalist young

people

Use synonyms

in their

program

Use synonyms

which will be a benefit for their

country

Use synonyms

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

This

Linking Words

method would be a successful way

for creating

Change preposition

to create

show examples

a good association among societies.

However

Linking Words

, it will be really effective if the government creates good requirements for the youth to join the

program

Use synonyms

. The health condition should be one of many aspects to be considered by

people

Use synonyms

to take part in

this

Linking Words

association. It would create a problem if it

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

mandatory for young

people

Use synonyms

to be included without checking their condition

first,

Linking Words

so the ones with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

chronic health

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

should be excluded.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the age limitation is

also

Linking Words

an important aspect. The older and older

people

Use synonyms

get, the less

fitter

Change the word

fit

show examples

they will be.

For instance

Linking Words

, the age of thirty is the

last

Linking Words

chance for young

people

Use synonyms

to register themselves in

this

Linking Words

military

service

Use synonyms

program

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, the idea of having compulsory military

service

Use synonyms

is a good

program

Use synonyms

for every

country

Use synonyms

to adopt in order to increase the protection

for

Change preposition

show examples

their

country

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, I agree with

this

Linking Words

situation because it will be an effective way for young

people

Use synonyms

to grow their patriotism and nationalism.

Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on Sat Apr 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion

You've done a great job introducing and concluding your essay, which provides a clear structure that effectively guides the reader through your argument.

Coherence

To enhance your coherence, consider linking your ideas more explicitly using a variety of transitional phrases. This will make the flow of your essay even smoother.

Details & Examples

For an even stronger essay, you might include more specific details or data to support your arguments, such as statistics, factual examples, or citing credible sources.

Balanced Argument

It's beneficial to explore both sides of an argument in depth. While you've mentioned potential concerns, expanding on these with equal consideration can provide a more balanced view and strengthen your overall argument.

Structure & Clarity

Your argument is well-structured, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion that summarises your viewpoint effectively.

Use of Examples

You've used relevant examples, like the reference to South Korea's military service, to support your argument, which makes your essay persuasive.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about whether governments should introduce a maximum wage. While in some ways it may seem reasonable to allow people to earn as much as companies are willing to pay, I personally believe that employee remuneration should be capped at a certain level.
5
band
Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In this competitive world the majority of authorities think that economic development is their priority aim. And some individuals believe that certain types of evolving are vitally important such as education and traffic management. In my standpoint, I strongly think that the country's schooling revolution and transport administration is samely necessary to achieve the nation’s goal rather than just setting economic progress as a sole target.
7.5
band
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The effectiveness of advertising in persuading people to buy products has been the subject of ongoing heated debate. While some consider it a highly effective tool, others believe that its widespread presence has caused it to lose its impact. In my opinion, both perspectives are correct to some extent.
4.5
band
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required?
These days, there has been a dramatic increase in number of reseaches about the methods to improve public health. Some people are in this belief that the effective way is that to increase the number of sport facilities, while others feel that this has little effect and other things should be involved. In this essay, both views will be discussed with examples.
5.5
band
In recent years, “responsible tourists” have paid attention to preserving both culture and environment of the places they visit. However, some people say that it is impossible to be a “responsible tourist”. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
To address the burden tourism brings to the local culture and environment, the idea of "responsible tourists" has been emerged and promoted by different travel destinations. While some people hoped to advertise this idea to holidaymakers, it is not just difficult to define "responsible" but also travel agencies are not sensitive in making tourism sustainable. This paper aims to to assess this topic through different contrasting views with personal insights added.

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required?

In recent years, “responsible tourists” have paid attention to preserving both culture and environment of the places they visit. However, some people say that it is impossible to be a “responsible tourist”. To what extent do you agree or disagree?