Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. What is your opinion?
In
today'contemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
era
, number
of young Change the article
the number
people
in high positions of
states Change preposition
in
are
increasing. Some Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
are satisfies
Change the verb form
are satisfied
from
Change preposition
with
this
action while
, some other
are unhappy in Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
case. This
essay intends to analyze both perspectives among my personal and logical perception
.
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
To begin
with, some people
admire that young
generation Correct article usage
the young
take
a place in a high position. They believe that a young person has an updated mindset which can be useful if, Change the verb form
takes
use
Wrong verb form
used
approperiately
in any Correct your spelling
appropriately
appropriate
feild
. Correct your spelling
field
Therefore
, they
young Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
are educating
Wrong verb form
educated
at
the present Change preposition
in
era
and know how to cope with today's situation while
,
Remove the comma
apply
they
old Correct your spelling
the
people
have old knowladge
that in Correct your spelling
knowledge
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
era
those knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
are
mostly useless. For Correct subject-verb agreement
is
instnace
, if we consider a Correct your spelling
instance
seveteen years old
Correct your spelling
sixteen-year-old
man
in modern
Add an article
the modern
era
, even he
cannot use Correct word choice
if he
cellphone
imagine how he would control a country.
Correct article usage
a cellphone
In
the dorsal side, many Change preposition
On
people
claim that high positions are not for young people
. Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
youthes
are Correct your spelling
youths
unexperienced
as politics is Correct your spelling
inexperienced
dangerous
game they will Add an article
a dangerous
loss
Replace the word
lose
due to
lack os
Correct your spelling
of
experiance
. Correct your spelling
experience
In addition
, an adult guy is full of emotion in comparison of
an old Change preposition
to
man
that
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
being
emotional is not a good point in policy. Correct word choice
and being
Besides
, education
of an old Correct article usage
the education
man
higher
than an adult Add a missing verb
is higher
for example
, a twenty two years old
guy only can have a bachelor Correct your spelling
twenty-two-year-old
while
a fourty years old
Correct your spelling
forty-year-old
man
can have several PHDS.
In conclusion, some part
of society Fix the agreement mistake
parts
welcome
Change the verb form
welcomes
Correct article usage
the particepating
particepating
young-generation Correct your spelling
participating
participation
in
high Change preposition
to
authoreties
at the same time a significant number of Correct your spelling
authorities
people
disagree with this
trend. According to
denoted points in this
essay and owing my personal idea it better
to give chance Add a missing verb
is better
to
young Change preposition
apply
people
to take a
part in Correct article usage
apply
policy
.Add an article
the policy
Submitted by amotoh10 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use more complex structures and vary your sentence beginnings to avoid repetition and add sophistication to your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising your essay for small grammatical errors and typos to improve readability. Even minor inaccuracies can slightly distract from the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples help to strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of your word choices and aim for precision. Avoid using phrases that are too colloquial or informal for an academic setting.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear position and discussing both sides of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a good structure that logically organizes your ideas, which makes your essay easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well formulated, clearly presenting your thesis and summarizing your main points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!