Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. What is your opinion?

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In
today'contemporary
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contemporary
era
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,
number
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the number
show examples
of young
people
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in high positions
of
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in
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states
are
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is
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increasing. Some
people
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are satisfies
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are satisfied
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from
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with
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this
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action
while
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, some
other
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others
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are unhappy in
this
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case.
This
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essay intends to analyze both perspectives among my personal and logical
perception
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perceptions
show examples
.
To begin
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with, some
people
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admire that
young
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the young
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generation
take
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takes
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a place in a high position. They believe that a young person has an updated mindset which can be useful if,
use
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used
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approperiately
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appropriately
appropriate
in any
feild
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field
.
Therefore
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,
they
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apply
show examples
young
people
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are
educating
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educated
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at
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in
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the present
era
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and know how to cope with today's situation
while
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,
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apply
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they
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the
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old
people
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have old
knowladge
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knowledge
that in
modern
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the modern
show examples
era
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those
knowladge
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knowledge
are
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is
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mostly useless. For
instnace
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instance
, if we consider a
seveteen years old
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sixteen-year-old
man
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in
modern
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the modern
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era
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, even
he
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if he
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cannot use
cellphone
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a cellphone
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imagine how he would control a country.
In
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On
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the dorsal side, many
people
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claim that high positions are not for young
people
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.
Becuase
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Because
youthes
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youths
are
unexperienced
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inexperienced
show examples
as politics is
dangerous
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a dangerous
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game they will
loss
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lose
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due to
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lack
os
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of
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experiance
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experience
.
In addition
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, an adult guy is full of emotion in comparison
of
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to
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an old
man
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that
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apply
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,
being
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and being
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emotional is not a good point in policy.
Besides
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,
education
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the education
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of an old
man
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higher
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is higher
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than an adult
for example
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, a
twenty two years old
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twenty-two-year-old
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guy only can have a bachelor
while
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a
fourty years old
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forty-year-old
man
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can have several PHDS. In conclusion, some
part
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parts
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of society
welcome
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welcomes
show examples
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the particepating
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particepating
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participating
participation
young-generation
in
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to
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high
authoreties
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authorities
at the same time a significant number of
people
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disagree with
this
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trend.
According to
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denoted points in
this
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essay and owing my personal idea it
better
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is better
show examples
to give chance
to
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apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
to take
a
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apply
show examples
part in
policy
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the policy
show examples
.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use more complex structures and vary your sentence beginnings to avoid repetition and add sophistication to your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising your essay for small grammatical errors and typos to improve readability. Even minor inaccuracies can slightly distract from the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples help to strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of your word choices and aim for precision. Avoid using phrases that are too colloquial or informal for an academic setting.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear position and discussing both sides of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a good structure that logically organizes your ideas, which makes your essay easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well formulated, clearly presenting your thesis and summarizing your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovative solutions
  • Modern policies
  • Adequately represented
  • Viewpoints and issues
  • High energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Complex political landscape
  • Impulsive decisions
  • Undue influence
  • Susceptible to pressure
  • Seasoned colleagues
  • Lobbyists
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