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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
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The graph illustrates worldwide
water
Use synonyms
 expenditure in three departments between 1900 and 2000.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the chart
similarly
Linking Words
 provides data about
water
Use synonyms
 consumption but in different categories in
Congo
Use synonyms
 and
Brazil
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is evident that the total
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in
Agriculture
Correct article usage
the Agriculture
show examples
, Industry and Domestic sectors experienced a significant increase over the
100 year
Add a hyphen
100-year
show examples
 period, with
with
Remove the redundancy
apply
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Agriculture purposes possessing the largest amount
while
Linking Words
 Private users
having
Wrong verb form
had
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 the lowest.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Brazil
Use synonyms
 spent
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
substantially more
water
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
 and per person than
Congo
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details, rising from around 500kg cubic meters in 1900 to about 1200 m3 in 1950,
water
Use synonyms
 usage for
Agriculturals
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 reasons
then
Linking Words
 exponentially increased to reach 3000 m3 in 2000 .
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, The figures for
Indutries
Correct your spelling
industries
 and houses are relatively
simialar
Correct your spelling
similar
 during the first 50 years, with both gradually rising from a mere 50 m3 to about 200 m3. After that, they witnessed a
considerabke
Correct your spelling
considerable
 increase to around 1300 m3 and 500 m3 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Brazil
Use synonyms
 used
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
much larger
water
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 for every person than
Congo
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, with 359 m3 and
8m3
Correct your spelling
8 m3
 respectively. It is noteworthy that
Brazil
Use synonyms
's population ( 176 million) and Area ( 26500 km2) both outnumber the
Congo
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, having 5.2 million people and
100km2
Correct article usage
a 100km2
show examples
 land area.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, congo, brazil, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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