Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
In today's rapidly evolving
world
, whether Video
gaming is a harmful act or not has become a topic of widespread debate among individuals. Some believe that playing these games
wastes our times
and these gamers are addictive, Fix the agreement mistake
time
while
others argue that they are beneficial and help with stress relief and coordination. I will delve into both views in this
essay and will express why i
completely agree with the second opinion.
On one hand, some Change the capitalization
I
commentors
Correct your spelling
commentators
commenters
naievly
contend that the trend of Correct your spelling
naively
video
gaming needs to be stopped; Claiming it is just a waste of time especially for children who usually spend loads
amount of time enjoying Add an article
the loads
a loads
games
with their gadgets. In addition
, they address the addictivenss
of the Correct your spelling
addictiveness
gadgests
, which can affect the other aspects of people's Correct your spelling
gadgets
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
with
playing too much of them, they exemplify some children who are not able to live a day without their Change preposition
by
games
and have gotten used to them. While
i
can understand these concerns, Change the capitalization
I
i
would say that these problems can easily Change the capitalization
I
can
be prevented with correct awareness and time control from parents.
Remove a modal verb
apply
On the other hand
, despite the appparent
drawbacks, Correct your spelling
apparent
it is clear that
there are also
significant advantages to video
gaming. First of all, It can help us with alleviating
our stress from a Change preposition
alleviate
high pressure
working Add a hyphen
high-pressure
world
which many of us experience. For
example
the famous game called GTA has helped people Add a comma
example,
enjoying
a rule-less Wrong verb form
enjoy
world
and do whatever they want in the game which fulfills human
mind and hinders potential outburns in the real Correct article usage
the human
world
.
In conclusion, Playing video
games
comes with some drawbacks, but in my opinion, those can easily addressed and the merits significantly outweight
these drawbacks.Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
Submitted by soroush.nezami on
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Grammar/Spelling
Pay close attention to spelling and grammatical errors to enhance the overall clarity of your arguments. For example, 'commentors naievly' should be 'commentators naively', 'addictivenss of the gadgests' should be 'addictiveness of the gadgets', and 'outburns' should be 'outbursts'.
Argument Balance
Ensure balance in discussing both views before presenting your opinion to strengthen the argument structure. You might want to elaborate more objectively on the opposing view for a more balanced presentation before asserting your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking devices and topic sentences to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. For instance, starting a new paragraph with phrases like 'Additionally', 'Furthermore', or 'Conversely' can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Task Response
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your views, which strengthens your arguments. The use of the GTA game as an example was particularly effective in illustrating your point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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