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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
#sales #sectors #zealand
The circled diagrams illustrate how the
money
 spent
in
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apply
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online in various sectors
such
 as travel , film,books and clothes in New Zealand during the years 2003 and 2013.
Overall
,the expenses caused by travel and clothes decreased
whereas
 the
money
 invested in film and books increased from 2003 to 2013. In 2003, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Add a missing verb
were intrested
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intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in travelling and that was nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of their expenditure.After that, it reduced by 7
percentage
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per cent
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 over 10 years.
One forth
Correct pronoun usage
Forth
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 of the
money
 spent
to
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on
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 clothes in 2003 and it dropped to 16
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 in 2013.
Money
 spent on books did not show any huge difference between 2003 and 2013 and that was 19 and 22. Most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people in 2013
Add a missing verb
were intrested
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intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
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 films and the percentage of expense extended from 21 to 33.
Submitted by shanaparamesh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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