IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

#bar #percentage #people #cinemas #european #country #different
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar graph illustrates how many
people
 went to the cinema during a week from Monday to Sunday in 2003, 2005 and 2007.
Overall
, the most popular day remained Saturday over
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
 period. The number of
people
 experienced growth on all days of the week, except Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.
According to
 the bar chart,
people
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to visit a cinema on Saturday and the number started from 40% in 2003,
then
 increased to 45% in 2005 and
after
this
, there was a little decrease to around 43% in 2007.
Then
 Sunday and Monday experienced the same trend and the figures for Sunday started from 30% and reached around 32% by the end of the time period,
while
 Monday rose from 10 to approximately 12%. Thursday showed a little rise from 12% to 14%.
In contrast
, Tuesday witnessed a downward trend, and the percentage of
people
 on Tuesday accounted for 20% in 2003 and climbed to 18%, followed by a little decrease of around 4%.
However
, the number of
people
 who went to the cinema on Wednesday experienced
continued
Add an article
a continued
show examples
 decline from 16% to 8% throughout the time period.
Submitted by lobacheva.design on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and concise introduction that summarizes the contents of the bar graph effectively. It's also important to include a conclusion that encapsulates the main trends and observations.
task response
Your analysis of the data trends is comprehensive. To improve, consider providing a bit more detail on the significance or implications of these trends. For instance, discussing potential reasons for the changes or stability in cinema attendance can enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a good logical flow, which enhances its readability. To further enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.
task response
Effectively covers the trends observed in the bar graph, providing a clear overview.
task response
Uses data points from the graph to support statements, making the analysis factual and grounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a logical sequence that makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: