IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all children should learn about history at school. Others however, believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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A lot of individuals argue that all kids must study ancient cultures and civilians at kindergartens.
However
Linking Words
,
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 people believe that recent materials are more practical for young
students
Use synonyms
. So , is the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 view
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the best for children or the initial? On one hand, without any
doubt
Add a comma
doubt,
show examples
 the
history
Use synonyms
 of any
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 may
be constitute
Change the verb form
constitute
show examples
 the most important part of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 formation. What is more, the
history
Use synonyms
 of states
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
mere
Correct article usage
a mere
show examples
 subject, but
express
Correct subject-verb agreement
expresses
show examples
 their cultures , accomplishments and even their
currently
Change the word
current
show examples
 century.
For example
Linking Words
, each states in the world have
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 every year and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
 their are
celebrate
Wrong verb form
celebrated
show examples
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 national
day
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a lot of developing countries organised
autonomy
Correct your spelling
Autonomy Day
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 . For
this
Linking Words
 , the
history
Use synonyms
 of nations
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be
learning
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 by all kids .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a enormous
experts
Correct quantifier usage
number of experts
show examples
bileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational institutions must be teaching only recent subjects.
In addition
Linking Words
, these materials may be more useful for
students
Use synonyms
 and
parpared
Correct your spelling
prepared
prepare
 them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their futuristic jobs .
For instance
Linking Words
, these days
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job marketing requires excellent
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 power
such
Linking Words
 as everyone should be have more than one language and
also
Linking Words
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to be perfect with
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
. For
this
Linking Words
 , any teaching services must
be provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
Linking Words
Add the preposition
with this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 for
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 and must not
wasting
Change the verb form
waste
be wasting
show examples
 their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
undersible
Correct your spelling
undesirable
underside
 subjects in the future.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
 power are more practical and
consider
Wrong verb form
are considered
show examples
 the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the success in future, but
also
Linking Words
 the
history
Use synonyms
 of any
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 is
very
Rephrase
also very
show examples
 important. So, I believe that any
Use synonyms
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
 should study
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 to know more and more about his country and
also
Linking Words
 about the world.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on clearer topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs. This helps readers understand your main points immediately.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to show relationships between ideas more clearly. This enhances the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay structuring, ensuring you have a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This clarity helps in presenting your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a distinct main idea. Avoid mixing different ideas within the same paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay shows a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before providing a clear conclusion with your own opinion.
task achievement
You effectively demonstrate understanding of the essay topic, making efforts to cover multiple viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The essay's Introduction and Conclusion are present, which is fundamentals for a structured response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • relevant
  • modern career opportunities
  • financial literacy
  • computer skills
  • well-rounded education
  • practical subjects
  • valuable lessons
  • past mistakes and successes
What to do next:
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