IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the chat below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

#chat #information #families #country #income
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The par chart provides key information about the weekly salary for how
families
 spent in one region between 1968 to 2018.  
Overall
, it is clear from the graph that the most
families
 spent was on food.
In addition
,
families
' expenditure on leisure, transport and housing showed a significant increase,
whereas
 they spent more on fuel and power.  
According to
 what is shown, in 1968,
families
 showed a significant increase in food expenditure around 35 per
cent
.
While
 they spent in the same category in 2018 decreased by under 20 per
cent
, in housing the weekly spending shows a significant rise of almost 20 per
cent
 compared to 1968 which was approximately half, Fuel and power was the modest part around 7 per
cent
   In terms of, spent in leisure was in 2018 highest than spent in 1968 doubled by around 23 per
cent
, transport showed a significant increase in 2018 nearly 15 per
cent
,
while
 it was 1968 about 8 per
cent
, personal goods showed a decrease spent in 2018 less than 5 per
cent
.
However
, it was at 8% in 1968,
whereas
 household goods showed an equivalent in percentages.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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Introduction
Consider adding an introduction sentence that clearly presents the topic and your thesis. This will provide a solid foundation to your essay, making your argument more compelling.
Conclusion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points and reflects on the implications or offers a final thought. This will give your essay a strong finish and help to encapsulate your analysis.
Specific Examples
Ensure data comparisons are accurate and clearly stated. Mentioning specific figures helps, but make sure these figures are correctly related to the categories they belong to.
Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within the essay to improve flow. Using linking words effectively can help to guide the reader through your argument cohesively.
Coherence
Ensure all paragraphs and sentences contribute directly to your argument. Avoid unclear connections or unrelated information to maintain focus on the main topic.
Grammar and Spelling
Proofread for grammatical and spelling inconsistencies to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Overall Trend Observation
You effectively drew attention to the general trend, indicating an overall rise in expenditure in certain categories over time.
Data Utilization
Including comparative data from 1968 to 2018 provides a good basis for discussion and analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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