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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph shows the percentages of different industries, which influenced the finances of Brazil in the years 2009 and 2019,
as well as
Linking Words
 the predictions for 2029.
Overall
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, it is evident that the
finance
Use synonyms
 sector had a superiority over others and the less profitable sector was
food
Use synonyms
 production during a given period.
Furthermore
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, apart from
finance
Use synonyms
, each industry's share
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
overall
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 economy will decrease. Looking into detail, as regards the past, in 2009,
finance
Use synonyms
 accounted for 30% of the whole revenue of the country, which was three times as high as
food
Use synonyms
 processing. The tourism sector was responsible for a quarter of the financial revenue,
as well as
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 the traditional resources,
such
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 as oil, coal, and gas,
while
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 20% of the profit came from manufacturing. After ten decades, the proportions of
finance
Use synonyms
,
food
Use synonyms
, and energy sources increased,
whereas
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 manufacturing and tourism went down steadily. It is projected that
finance
Use synonyms
 will be responsible for 40% of
overall
Linking Words
 income. Tourism, manufacturing, and
food
Use synonyms
 processing will witness a decrease of 20%, 5%, and 10%, respectively. There will be a 5% decline in terms of industry of oil, coal and gas in 2029.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words finance, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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