In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

It is widely
thinking
Wrong verb form
thought
show examples
that
students
study at the
university
but
also
live at
home
with their family compared to attending
university
in another city. I believe that the drawbacks of living away
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
family in
university
time are eclipsed by the benefits. On the one hand, some may argue that student
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
should not live away from their
home
city because it may contribute several detrimental
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
to them. Regarding the first reason, if
students
live
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
far from their
parents
, it will be hard for their
parents
to take care and look after
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children.
For example
, some
students
do not have independence, their
parents
can lead them into the right way to learn.
Conversely
, I take a view that
this
circumstance offers to go to another city for
university
. Indeed,
students
can be free in the way they are studying, hanging out with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
friends and so on. Some
parents
do not want their children
join
Add the particle
to join
show examples
in some occasions or some trips with their friends or schools because they think those activities are
unprofiable
Correct your spelling
unprofitable
profitable
so they do not let their children
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
go. Another supporting view is that
students
can have more knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
many new
experience
Change to a plural noun
experiences
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new location that they have never known before.
For example
, I lived in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, but when I turned to the main step of my life
is go
Wrong verb form
was going
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
, I
was choosing
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
to live away from my
home
to study and experience
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
style
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
. In conclusion, despite all the
Correct your spelling
mentioned
mentiones
Correct your spelling
mentioned
drawbacks that
students
may have when they go to
university
too far from their
home
, I hold a belief that
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
of it weigh heavier.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well developed with explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Start with a clear introductory sentence that presents your main argument or stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarise your main points to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
For a higher score, aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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