IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government of developing country should spend more on projects (eg new tourist hotel, factories) to improve local economy and less on facilities (eg health and education) To what extent do you agree or disagree

#government #country #projects #eg #tourist #hotel #factories #economy #facilities #health #education
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It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries should invest more
on
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in
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tourism
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 and industrial sectors to boost the
economy
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 and reduce the money injected into basic facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
healthcare
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 and
education
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. I completely disagree with the statement because even though expansion in
tourism
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bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 and industry
bring
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brings
show examples
 in a lot of revenue to the
nation
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, the states should prioritise health and
education
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 because it will increase the value of the citizens and it will benefit the
nation
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 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term. Industrial sectors and
tourism
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 undeniably contribute a lot to the
nation
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's revenue
for example
Linking Words
like
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apply
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Vietnam that famous as
tourist
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a tourist
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 attraction and expanding textile industry,
however
Linking Words
, one must value the importance of health and
education
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. If developing countries want to move forward as developed
country
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countries
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, they should have tip-top
healthcare
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facility
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facilities
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 and
able
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be able
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 to provide free schools to their people as
basic
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a basic
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 necessity. For
instace
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instance
, as
developed
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a developed
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nation
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, New Zealand is able to provide free services for sick people all around the country and still thinking of improving their services to
next
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the next
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 level. Funding
on
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for
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 academic facilities and primary care should be emphasized to upgrade the
nation
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's value. By having good schools and
tertiery
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tertiary
education
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, the state can produce many
professional
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professionals
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 to contribute to the
nations
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nation
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 in many fields
such
Linking Words
 as
economy
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,
healthcare
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, engineering, banking and many more.
In addition
Linking Words
, good health services
important
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are important
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 to reduce the incidence of
non communicable
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non-communicable
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disease
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diseases
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 that could impact the
economy
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 negatively. In
conlusion
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conclusion
, even if the
economy
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 might
benefited
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benefit
be benefited
show examples
 from expansion in
tourism
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,
healthcare
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 and
education
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 should be the priority because they are the basic
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
 in the world and they will contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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task achievement
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a complete response to the topic presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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