The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender
The chart reveals the number of comparisons by men and
women
as a mobile phone user in Marysville in 20-year periods, from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that both genders started at a similar amount of subscribers,
while
females are slightly higher than men.
Moreover
, they both increased and reached a different stop. Another interesting
point
is that there was a year
point
where they grew to the same
point
.
Initially
, at the beginning of the period, the number of men, using mobile phones was 500, and it sharply rose to around 2500 which reached the same
point
as
women
in 2005.
Moreover
, the figure remained stable in 5-year periods
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and reached a peak at about 2800
at the end
of the period.
Subsequently
,
women
who made a subscription for a mobile phone in 2005 were above 500
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and increased dramatically, and reached a high in 2005 of 2500 subscribers.
In contrast
, 5 years ahead
women
users were moderately reduced to above 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and remained stable until 2015.
Submitted by ed.janurrsptn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, point with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: