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Writing Samples
Band 5

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender
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The chart reveals the number of comparisons by men and
women
Use synonyms
 as a mobile phone user in Marysville in 20-year periods, from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that both genders started at a similar amount of subscribers,
while
Linking Words
 females are slightly higher than men.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they both increased and reached a different stop. Another interesting
point
Use synonyms
 is that there was a year
point
Use synonyms
 where they grew to the same
point
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.
Initially
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the period, the number of men, using mobile phones was 500, and it sharply rose to around 2500 which reached the same
point
Use synonyms
 as
women
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the figure remained stable in 5-year periods
,
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apply
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 and reached a peak at about 2800
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 who made a subscription for a mobile phone in 2005 were above 500
,
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apply
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 and increased dramatically, and reached a high in 2005 of 2500 subscribers.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 5 years ahead
women
Use synonyms
 users were moderately reduced to above 2000
,
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apply
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 and remained stable until 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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