IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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There have been conflicting ideas on whether
students
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
university level
Add a hyphen
university-level
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 should learn additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 or not. I believe that pupils should learn new things and knowledge because it can improve their capacity and acquire new experiences. Studying additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 will broaden higher education's
students
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who explore extra
subjects
Use synonyms
 will be more qualified.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 of
English
Correct article usage
the English
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 department who take other
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as French or Arabic will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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. Their main skill is
Englsih
Correct your spelling
English
, but at the same time, they can
also
Linking Words
 speak French or Arabic
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will grant them an opportunity to work in other institutions after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from their universities. As far as they can manage their time, it is important for them to expand their knowledge. I believe that by doing
this
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will become more competitive in the workplace.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that giving all their time and attention just to studying for a qualification is more significant. It means that their focus should be given to their majors or study programs.
This
Linking Words
 will improve their capacity
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is crucial when they want to be a specialist in their area of study.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, it can
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 them from
Add a missing verb
being stress
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stress
Replace the word
stressed
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due to
Linking Words
 the wide range of materials they should learn.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because
university's
Change noun form
university
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 should
lern
Correct your spelling
learn
 and try new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 during their period of study. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that
students
Use synonyms
 should concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their main
subjects
Use synonyms
, I believe that they have to develop their knowledge by studying additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 because it will make them more competitive in the workplace
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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coherence cohesion
A great starting point would be to introduce a wider range of linking devices to seamlessly connect your ideas throughout each paragraph.
task achievement
Consider honing your conclusion to succinctly summarize both views and your stance in a clear, impactful manner.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments could further strengthen your essay and augment your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly presenting the two contrasting viewpoints.
task achievement
You did well in discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. This balanced approach is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the introduction, neatly bookmarking your essay and reinforcing your initial stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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