IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #children #parents #courses
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In the modern contemporary world, parenting is becoming a difficult task to undertake with the modern hectic lifestyle of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
Thus
 ,some believe that for better fostering of children, guardians should follow parenting
courses
. In my conviction, change in culture and the level of scientific
knowledge
 on
child
 development would urge the requirement for knowing parenting in a standard manner,
hence
this
 writer wholeheartedly agrees with the given notion. First and foremost, people who disagree with the above notion come up with the argument that parenting is a natural process individuals have practised from generation to generation and no need to specifically learn it.
For example
 ,
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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parents
 are involved in the management of a newborn at an early period without even the help of a doctor or a midwife as they know those with their experience.
However
, in prevailing society
parents
 are alone in the cities with their kids and most of them prefer it with the changes in culture and work.
Therefore
 , it is difficult to find adults with proper experience in childcare in today's context.
For instance
, in the urban area where I live,
parents
 hire nurses for at least a few months time after childbirth.
Hence
,
due to
 the societal change young
parents
 in today's context are required standardised
knowledge
 in
child
 fostering.
Furthermore
,
due to
 new scientific evolution, facts on
child
 development and growth update at a rapid rate.
Thus
, even an experienced person in
child
 caring
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
required to update regularly to give the best care for the kids .
In particular
 , after 6 months of age mothers were used to
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 milk products like
chese
Correct your spelling
these
cheese
 to their kids but with the current
knowledge
 doctors advise
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
chese
Correct your spelling
cheese
 after 9 months of age to the
child
,
thereby
Rephrase
therefore
show examples
,
parents
 need to follow properly structured
courses
 to update on these aspects. In conclusion, parenting is an aspect that we
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 practised
ages
Change preposition
for ages
show examples
 with experience
whereas
 with the change in culture and
knowledge
 guardians
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 to properly follow
courses
 to learn it.
Hence
,
this
 writer
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 in strong notion that
parents
 should take parenting
courses
 to ensure
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
 development of their children
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay presents a clear thesis statement and follows with supporting arguments that are relevant to the topic.
Supported Main Points
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Logical Structure
The overall structure of your essay is logically organized, which helps in presenting your arguments in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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