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Writing Samples
Band 7

The given graph depicts the average figure of British citizens used to travel everyday by car,bus or train from 1970 to 2030.

The given graph depicts the average figure of British citizens used to travel everyday by car,bus or train from 1970 to 2030.
The given graph illustrates the average number of British inhabitants used to travel every day by some vehicles namely car ,
bus
Use synonyms
 and train during a 30-year
period
Use synonyms
 from 1970
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of commuters moving by car was highest. Meanwhile, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for buses ranked second at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 but
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, ranked lowest.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for trains at the beginning was lowest
then
Linking Words
 climbed up higher than the
figure
Use synonyms
 for cars. In 1970, the number of travellers who took a trip at 5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it rapidly increased to 7
million
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people
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 in 2000. Surprisingly, it continued to go up and reach a peak of 9
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 to finish the whole
period
Use synonyms
 in 2030. In the meantime, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
bus
Use synonyms
 and train saw a contrasting trend. In the beginning, the amount commuters on the
bus
Use synonyms
 were 4
million
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people
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, 2
million
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 higher than the train.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for buses and trains continued up and down and
finally
Linking Words
 witnessed at the same point together in 2015, was 3,5
million
Use synonyms
people
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. Remarkably, the number of travellers on the
bus
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 gradually declined, ranking lowest at 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for trains saw a jump to 5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 to finish the entire
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bus, period, figure, million, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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