It is the responsibility of governments to protect the health of children by combating obesity. The governement should entact laws against sugary drinks and fast food restaurants among other measures. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

The increasing number of
health
issues that children are facing nowadays has become a matter of concern,
such
as obesity stress or even depression,many factors can play a part in
this
However
,
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
should take some responsibility
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
before the numbers grow bigger by creating strict laws
aginst
Correct your spelling
against
show examples
that.I do agree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
.
Firstly
,one of the many
health
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
that younger generations are encountering is Obesity because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
sugery
Correct your spelling
sugary
surgery
drinks and fast
resturents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
is a lot easier and more convenient,
also
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
is causing a massive
attreaction
Correct your spelling
attraction
to
such
types of
food
.
henc
Correct your spelling
hence
authorities should start to be involved more in
this
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the prices of fast
food
resturents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
or making healthier
food
options more available,parents and families should
also
be taking a part in that by guiding
childern
Correct your spelling
children
and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
them understand the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
effects.
moreover
,
creating
Change preposition
by creating
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better education and
health
care systems,the
Governements
Correct your spelling
Government
Governments
could raise awareness through schools,For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
informing the children about diets and the physical
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
that they need to maintain a
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, and what are the best foods to
consuem
Correct your spelling
consume
on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis. In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, the ministry should take responsibility for the
health
of children by reducing the intake of sugary drinks and fast
food
leading to a decrease the obesity.
Submitted by layan.oth.zhr on

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Grammar
Consider revising for punctuation, especially around commas and periods, to improve clarity and readability.
Spelling
Revisit your essay for possible spelling mistakes such as 'sugery' instead of 'sugary', and 'resturents' instead of 'restaurants' to ensure accuracy.
Structure
Try to introduce a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summarizing sentence in your conclusion for a stronger structure.
Paragraph Development
Work on developing clear paragraph structures with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence to improve coherence.
Task Response
You addressed the prompt directly and provided relevant arguments and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good effort in organizing ideas logically and attempting to cover all aspects of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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