when people succeed it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

When individuals achieve it is because of hard
work
.
Luck
is not related to advance.
While
some
people
claim if
people
succeed in their fields, they have
luck
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
achievement. My opinion is irrelevant with
luck
. Regarding
this
topic, Many reasons support that success isn’t related to
luck
.
First,
central to the argument for hard
work
is the belief that persistent
effort
, discipline, and dedication are the primary drivers of achievement.
For example
, In South Korea, there is a sentence about Time betrays no one there. When crowd
work
with persistence and
effort
, they will obviously succeed in their fields. Because they have many things,
such
as business skills, drawing ability in the art, and better knowledge rather than
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
effort
persons.
Second,
accomplishment often requires a high level of skill and experience.
For instance
, major companies and governments need to skilled community with talent.
Such
as hardworking athletes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been studied for their ability and advance of more than 10,000 hours. So, they can well perform than other athletes.
On the other hand
, when thinking of
this
reason, if we think of Opportunities and Timing or having background.
While
hard
work
is crucial,
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
cannot ignore opportunities.
Such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
meeting a mentor at the right time and in the right place, and encountering a breakthrough idea. These factors lead to success more easily than nothing.
Finally
, the
luck
is more likely to operate depending on the background. Even if
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
have high-quality skills and talent, it is difficult for them
succeed
Add the particle
to succeed
show examples
if they don’t have money to implement their plans.
For example
, in an undeveloped country, there are many
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have persons with physical ability.
However
, they cannot exercise because they don’t have money to buy sports equipment.
People
who believe that success is related to
luck
, claim it is important for them to succeed with persistence,
effort
and skill development.
However
, other opinions argue that it is important to succeed considering timing, opportunities and background When considering all of these points in mind. In conclusion, after considering these points. In my opinion, I think that
people
can succeed with
effort
and intelligence development.
Submitted by rjsdn2233 on

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Task Achievement
It might help to more clearly define your position in the introduction and directly address how your argumentation supports your point of view throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider rewarding each paragraph with clear topical sentences to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly, enhancing both logical flow and engagement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using more varied sentence structures and transitions between ideas could make your writing more dynamic and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific, detailed examples early on to solidify your argument and make it more persuasive to the reader.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a solid base of argumentation and diverse examples supporting your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You have shown effort in tackling both sides of the argument, which is an essential aspect of addressing the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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