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Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
Currently, in our world
people
's minds
according to
 their working conditions have a concept of big
salary
 is much more important than
job
 satisfaction.I strongly agree, with
this
 statement because at the moment working at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 well-paid
job
 is more important than pursuing your favourite work.In
this
 essay , I will consider
this
 a little
further
. On the one hand, in
people
's mind's intention is the pursue a
job
 and how much they receive more money and
this
 intention starts at the ages of 17,18 and 19 because at
this
 time
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
start
Fix the infinitive
to start
show examples
 by worrying about that.
Firstly
, we definitely encounter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
engagement
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and in our marriage time, if we don't work and receive enough money every month , we can not deliver the
salary
 properly and adequately to the family.
Secondly
, I believe that receiving a big
salary
 from a
job
 is
job
 satisfaction because we can live out our life happily with money.
For instance
,relating to
this
 topic,when we purchase a prominent brand-new car or earn respect from other
people
 ,eventually we feel more confident and satisfied in our lives.
On the other hand
,we may find the
people
 who are pleasured by their jobs because it is enough for them.From my perspective, that kind of
people
's main ambition is living by what they love ,
this
 may include a
job
 , favourite person or wife , etcetera.
However
,they need always paying well-
salary
 jobs in order to gain
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 for human needs. In conclusion, I believe, a big
salary
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 needed and important for
people
.
Big
Correct article usage
A big
show examples
salary
 is much more important than
job
 satisfaction.
Submitted by dilmurodmingishov on

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task achievement
Clarify your argumentation by providing more concrete examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This will enhance the completeness and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Each paragraph should clearly support a distinct idea, and the connection between them should be more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to improve readability and make your essay more engaging. Simple sentences can be effective, but variety adds complexity and sophistication.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is good for maintaining a consistent argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, even if they could be enhanced for greater impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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