IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that,in today's world,subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that
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in
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on
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in
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this
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 day no age opinion is divided over whether some people think that
History
Use synonyms
 is the most essential subject in a school curriculum that children should learn. Other people view
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are more necessary than
History
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will look at both sides of
this
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 debate
as well as
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 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of
this
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 idea, it goes without saying learning
History
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 expresses the background of each country including world wars that
have
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apply
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happened many decades ago,so kids should know that their country has been changed for a long time.
Furthermore
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, studying historical subjects provides knowledge for kids in terms of economy. As far as the other side of
this
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 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are the most conducive to global development.
For instance
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, vaccines are now being proven by many scientists and it requires various knowledge about
science
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 and
technology
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. It may
also
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 be worth noting that students who put much effort
in
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into
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science
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 and
technology
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 will have a better chance of securing high-paying positions or
career
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careers
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 in
their
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the
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 future. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above, it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
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 debate.
However
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, I am of the opinion that, in the grand scheme of things,
History
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 subjects should still be emphasized to avoid repeating horrific
history
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such
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 as discrimination and war.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on how history helps us understand change and societal development, connecting it more explicitly to the importance of learning history.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the importance of Science and Technology.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more seamlessly across paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to balance the length and depth of discussion between the two viewpoints to enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your discussion and stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples, although more specificity could enhance your argument further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
What to do next:
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